Great Jehoshaphat and Gully Dirt!Smith, Jewell Ellen
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Great Jehoshaphat and Gully Dirt!
Smith, Jewell Ellen
American fiction -- 20th century
"You can't be no old maid!" I hollered at Jim-Bo before he could sing
any further.
"Why, Bandershanks! You don't mean it!"
"Just girls turn to old maids!"
"You wanta turn into one?"
"No, I don't! It's a disgrace to be a old maid! And you better not get
a baby 'fore you get married, neither!"
"Well, well, you don't say. In that case, it looks to me like a girl's
got little choice. 'Bout all she can do is avoid the extremes and keep
her eye on the altar!"
"What does that mean?"
"Means we'd better have another tune. Or, maybe you'll dance some for
us. How 'bout that?"
"I can't dance."
"How come?"
"I don't know how. 'Sides, it's a bad sin!"
"Who told you that, Bandershanks?"
"I just been knowing it."
"Why, Jim-Bo," Hi said, "it ain't been six months since Brother
Milligan preached a whole sermon on dancing!"
"Oh, yeah. I remember that sermon, now."
"I bet you remember it! You probably weren't listening to one word he
said!_"_
"I was, too! I can tell you his very words!"
Jim-Bo let me slide from his knee so he could stand up. He began
talking, and he tilted his head to one side and reared back, waving his
arms and shaking his fists—just like Brother Milligan when he was up on
the pulpit stand.
"My good people of Drake Eye Springs_,"_ he shouted out_,_ his voice
cracking and trembling, "I warn you, dancing is a sin! Some would seek
to justify it on the grounds that it is a graceful movement of the
body. But I say to you: graceful movements can lead you down the road
to damnation! My good people, both brethren and sistern, as surely as I
stand here in this pulpit today, and as surely as my name is Josiah B.
Milligan, dancing is a sin of the first water! It is nothing in God's
world but artificial arm and leg crossing, invented by Old Split-Foot
himself!"
"Boys, boys! Y'all oughtn't say things to confuse your little cousin.
Hon, don't you worry. Sins change. Maybe when you get big enough to
really dance, it will be a fine thing to do. Back when I was a young
girl, it was a sin to read a novel. I don't know, though, whether I
ought to mention that, 'specially since your mama and I read one once!"
"What about some more music?" Jim-Bo asked.
"No, it's late. Bandershanks, we've got to get you off to bed. Thank
the musicians and this self-appointed 'hat man' for a wonderful
concert!"
"Y'all, much obliged for the concert."
Jim-Bo just grinned at me. Then he put one hand behind his back and
bowed low. "The pleasure was all ours, Lady Bandershanks!"
Saturday when I got home, Shoogie was waiting for me. So was Mama. The
first thing Mama said was, "My, my, we've been missing you!"
The first thing Shoogie said was, "Bandershanks, let's go pick us some
goobers!"
"Yeah! Mama, can we?"
"I suppose so. I'd rather for y'all to be eating peanuts in the hayloft
than playing outdoors in this wind. It turned cold this evening."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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