Great Musical Composers: German, French, and ItalianFerris, George T. (George Titus)
History
Great Musical Composers: German, French, and Italian
Ferris, George T. (George Titus)
Composers
"O ye, who consider or declare me to be hostile, obstinate,
or misanthropic, what injustice ye do me! Ye know not the
secret causes of that which to you wears such an appearance.
My heart and my mind were from childhood prone to the tender
feelings of affection. Nay, I was always disposed even to
perform great actions. But, only consider that, for the last
six years, I have been attacked by an incurable complaint,
aggravated by the unskilful treatment of medical men,
disappointed from year to year in the hope of relief, and at
last obliged to submit to the endurance of an evil the cure
of which may last perhaps for years, if it is practicable at
all. Born with a lively, ardent disposition, susceptible to
the diversions of society, I was forced at an early age to
renounce them, and to pass my life in seclusion. If I strove
at any time to set myself above all this, oh how cruelly was
I driven back by the doubly painful experience of my
defective hearing! and yet it was not possible for me to say
to people, 'Speak louder--bawl--for I am deaf!' Ah! how
could I proclaim the defect of a sense that I once possessed
in the highest perfection--in a perfection in which few of
my colleagues possess or ever did possess it? Indeed, I
cannot! Forgive me, then, if ye see me draw back when I
would gladly mingle among you. Doubly mortifying is my
misfortune to me, as it must tend to cause me to be
misconceived. From recreation in the society of my
fellow-creatures, from the pleasures of conversation, from
the effusions of friendship, I am cut off. Almost alone in
the world, I dare not venture into society more than
absolute necessity requires. I am obliged to live as an
exile. If I go into company, a painful anxiety comes over
me, since I am apprehensive of being exposed to the danger
of betraying my situation. Such has been my state, too,
during this half year that I have spent in the country.
Enjoined by my intelligent physician to spare my hearing as
much as possible, I have been almost encouraged by him in my
present natural disposition, though, hurried away by my
fondness for society, I sometimes suffered myself to be
enticed into it. But what a humiliation when any one
standing beside me could hear at a distance a flute that I
could not hear, or any one heard the shepherd singing, and I
could not distinguish a sound! Such circumstances brought me
to the brink of despair, and had well-nigh made me put an
end to my life--nothing but my art held my hand. Ah! it
seemed to me impossible to quit the world before I had
produced all that I felt myself called to accomplish. And so
I endured this wretched life--so truly wretched, that a
somewhat speedy change is capable of transporting me from
the best into the worst condition. Patience--so I am told--I
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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