seen into the reveries of her pupil at such a moment, she would hardly
have believed how they alternated with the coldest fits of doubt and
scepticism. Molly was dealing with a self-made ideal that she needed to
satisfy the hunger of her nature for love and worship. But it had no
foundations, no support, and it was apt to vanish with a terrible
completeness. Then she would feel quite alone and horribly ashamed; she
would at moments think of herself as something degraded and to be
shunned. Some natures would have simply sunk into a nervous state of
depression, but Molly had great vitality and natural ambition. In her
ideal moments she thought of devoting her life to her mother; and the
ayah's words were still a text, "The faithful child will find a way."
But in darker hours she defied the world that was against her.
Molly, having decided to make no effort at any change in her life until
the emancipating age of twenty-one, determined to prepare herself as
fully as possible for the future. Mrs. Carteret was quite willing to
keep Miss Carew until her niece was nearly twenty, and by that time the
girl had read a surprising amount, while her mind was not to be
despised. She had also "come out" as far as a very sleepy neighbourhood
made it possible for her to see any society. She had been to three
balls, and a good many garden parties. No one found her very attractive
in her manners, though her appearance had in it now something that
arrested attention. She took her position in the small Carteret circle
in virtue of a certain energy and force of will. Molly danced, and
played tennis, and rode as well as any girl in those parts, but she did
not hide a silent and, at present, rather childish scorn which was in
her nature. Miss Carew left her with regret and with more affection than
Molly gave her back, for the governess was proud of her, and felt in
watching her the pleasures of professional success. Perhaps she put down
too much of this success to her own skill, but it was true that, without
Miss Carew, Molly would have been a very undeveloped young person. There
was still one year after this parting before Molly would be free, and it
seemed longer and slower as each day passed. One interest helped to make
it endurable. A trained hospital nurse had been provided for the
village, and Molly spent a great deal of time learning her craft. The
nursing instinct was exceedingly strong and not easily put down, and,
if Molly _must_ interfere with sick people, it was as well, in Mrs.
Carteret's opinion, that she should learn how to do it properly.
But the slow months rolled by at length, and the last year of bondage
was finished.
The sun did its best to congratulate Molly on her twenty-first birthday.
It shone in full glory on the great, green hills, and the blue shadows
in the hollows were transparent with reflected gold. The sunlight
trembled in the bare branches of the beeches and turned their grey
trunks to silver.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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