And hark ye! O Grand Haven! count your rare attractions o'er-- The commerce of your ships at sea, and ships along the shore; Your railroads, and your industries, and interests untold, Your Opera House--our lecture, and the gate-receipts in gold!-- Ay, Banner Town of Michigan! count all your treasures through-- Your crowds of summer tourists, and your Sanitarium, too; Your lake, your beach, your drives, your breezy groves and grassy plots, But head the list of all of these With H. Y. Potts! THE HOODOO. Owned a pair o' skates onc't.--Traded Fer 'em,--stropped 'em on and waded Up and down the crick, a-waitin' Tel she'd freeze up fit fer skatin'. Mildest winter I remember-- More like Spring- than Winter-weather!-- Did n't _frost_ tel bout December- Git up airly ketch a' feather Of it, mayby, 'crost the winder-- Sunshine swinge it like a cinder! Well--I _waited_--and _kep_' waitin'! Couldn't see my money's w'oth in Them-air skates and was no skatin', Ner no hint o' ice ner nothin'! So, one day--along in airly Spring--I swopped 'em off--and barely Closed the dicker, 'fore the weather Natchurly jes slipped the ratchet, And crick--tail-race--all together, Froze so tight cat couldn't scratch it! THE RIVALS; OR THE SHOWMAN'S RUSE A TRAGI-COMEDY, IN ONE ACT. PERSONS REPRESENTED. BILLY MILLER ) The Rivals JOHNNY WILLIAMS ) TOMMY WELLS Conspirator TIME--Noon: SCENE--Country Town--Rear-view of the Miller Mansion, showing Barn, with practical loft-window opening on alley-way, with colored-crayon poster beneath, announcing:--"BILLY MILLER'S Big Show and Monstur Circus and Equareum! A shour-bath fer Each and All fer 20 pins. This Afternoon! Don't fer git the date!" Enter TOMMY WELLS and JOHNNY WILLIAMS, who gaze awhile at poster, TOMMY secretly smiling and winking at BILLY MILLER, concealed at loft-window above. TOMMY (to JOHNNY). Guess 'at Billy haint got back,-- Can't see nothin' through the crack--- Can't hear nothin' neither--No! . . . Thinks he's got the dandy show, Don't he? JOHNNY (scornfully)-- 'Course' but what _I_ care?-- He haint got no show in there!-- What's _he_ got in there but that Old hen, cooped up with a cat An' a turkle, an' that thing 'At he calls his "circus-ring?" "_What a circus-ring_!" I'd _quit_! Bet mine's twic't as big as it! TOMMY-- Yes, but _you_ got no machine Wat you bathe with, painted green, With a string to work it, guess! JOHNNY (contemptuously)-- Folks don't _bathe_ in _circuses_!-- _Ladies_ comes to _mine_, you bet! I' got seats where girls can set; An' a dressin'-room, an' all, Fixed up in my pony's stall-- Yes, an' I' got _carpet_, too, Fer the tumblers, and a blue Center-pole!