I got the pump and hose, collecting at the same time an audience of brats who assisted me by shouting, "What ya goin a do, mister?" "What's at thing for, mister?" "You goin a water Mrs Dinkman's frontyard, mister?" "Do your teeth awwis look so funny, mister? My grampa takes his teeth out at night and puts'm in a glass of water. Do you take out your teeth at night, mister?" "You goin a put that stuff on our garden too, mister?" "Hay, Shirley--come on over and see the funnylooking man who's fixing up Dinkman's yard." They were untiring, shrilling their questions, exclamations and comments, completely driving from my mind the details of the actual application of the Metamorphizer. Anyway, Miss Francis had been concerned with putting it in the irrigation water--which didnt apply in this case. I thought a moment. A gallon was enough for thirty acres; half a pint should suffice for this--more than suffice. Irrigation water, nonsense--I'd squirt it on and tell the woman to hose it down afterward--that'd be the same as putting it in the water, wouldnt it? To come to this practical conclusion under the brunt of the children's assault was a remarkable feat. As I dribbled the stuff over the sorry devilgrass they kicked the pump--and my shins--mimicking my actions, tripping me as they skipped under my legs, getting wet with the Metamorphizer--I hoped with mutually deleterious effect--and generally making me more than ever thankful for my bachelor condition. Twofifty, I thought, angrily squirting a fine mist at a particularly dreary spot--and it isnt even selling. Manual labor. Working with my hands. I might as well be a gardener. College training. Wide experience. Alert and aggressive. In order to dribble stuff smelling sickeningly of carnations on a wasted yard. I coiled up my hose disgustedly and collected a reluctant five dollars. "It don't look any different," commented Mrs Dinkman dubiously. "Madam, Professor Francis' remarkable discovery works miracles, but not in the twinkling of an eye. In a week youll see for yourself, provided of course you wet it down properly." "In a week youll be far gone with my five dollars," diagnosed Mrs Dinkman. While this might be superficially true, it was an unfair and unkind thing to say, and it wounded me. I reached into my pocket and drew out an old card--one printed before I'd had an irreconcilable difference with the firm employing me at the time. "I can always be reached at this address, Mrs Dinkman," I said, "should you have any cause for dissatisfaction--which I'm sure is quite impossible. Besides, I shall be daily in this district demonstrating the value of Dr Francis' Lawn Tonic."