She stopped, for I had risen and flung her hands from me, and stood
looking at her. God help me! I thought it was anger at the lie I felt. I
know now it was only wounded vanity that smarted in me. That _I_ should
have been tricked, that _I_ should have been deceived, that _I_ should
have been led on to make a fool of myself! That _I_ should have married
the woman who had befooled me! At that moment she was no longer the wife
I adored--she was only a woman who had forged a letter and tricked me
into marrying her.
I spoke; I denounced her; I said I would never speak to her again. I
felt it was rather creditable in me to be so angry. I said I would have
no more to do with a liar and forger.
I don't know whether I expected her to creep to my knees and implore
forgiveness. I think I had some vague idea that I could by-and-by
consent with dignity to forgive and forget. I did not mean what I said.
No, no; I did not mean a word of it. While I was saying it I was longing
for her to weep and fall at my feet, that I might raise her and hold her
in my arms again.
But she did not fall at my feet; she stood quietly looking at me.
"Arthur," she said, as I paused for breath, "let me explain--she--I----"
"There is nothing to explain," I said hotly, still with that foolish
sense of there being something rather noble in my indignation, as one
feels when one calls one's self a miserable sinner. "You are a liar and
forger, and that is enough for me. I will never speak to you again. You
have wrecked my life----"
"Do you mean that?" she said, interrupting me, and leaning forward to
look at me. Tears lay on her cheeks, but she was not crying now.
I hesitated. I longed to take her in my arms and say--"Lay your head
here, my darling, and cry here, and know how I love you."
But instead I kept silence.
"_Do_ you mean it?" she persisted.
Then she put her hand on my arm. I longed to clasp it and draw her to
me.
Instead, I shook it off, and said--
"Mean it? Yes--of course I mean it. Don't touch me, please! You have
ruined my life."
She turned away without a word, went into our room, and shut the door.
I longed to follow her, to tell her that if there was anything to
forgive I forgave it.
Instead, I went out on the beach, and walked away under the cliffs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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