Growing Up: A Story of the Girlhood of Judith MackenzieConklin, Nathaniel, Mrs.
General
Growing Up: A Story of the Girlhood of Judith Mackenzie
Conklin, Nathaniel, Mrs.
Christian life -- Fiction; Conduct of life -- Fiction; Girls -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“Perhaps he came home late. I wanted to prepare you. It is not so
sudden in my thoughts. But I always do things suddenly after years of
thinking about them. My father wanted me to do this. He said if I were
not careful, money and literary tastes would make me an idle dog. That
set of Ruskin in my room I have left for you. You have made my winter
here so home-like, so refreshingly ‘humdrum,’ that I don’t know how to
thank you. When Roger begged me to come Thanksgiving Day I feared that
I would be one too many, but you all took me in so naturally that I
feel as if I had grown up in your old house with you and Roger. It’s
awfully hard to go, now I’ve come to the point; somehow I hated my
ticket as soon as I took it into my hand. But I knew Aunt Hilda and
Judith were going to Bensalem, and I cannot be with them there.
But—you will write to me?” he asked, pausing in his rush of words.
He had vowed that he would not speak of letters, but the unconscious
appeal of her attitude, the look that he felt in the eyes that could
not lift themselves had given his heart an ache, that, the next
instant, he hated her for making him feel. What right had she to hold
him so? He was Roger’s friend. He had only been kind, and frank and
considerate toward her, and grateful, because she had touched his life
with a touch like healing—he was a better fellow than he was last
winter; he had told her one confidential Sunday twilight that he
almost wanted to be a Christian.
“When will you—come back?” she faltered, speaking her uppermost
thought.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he answered, roughly. “They may keep me there
years, if I do well for the paper—or I may study there—Judith and her
mother may bring me home—I have promised Aunt Hilda to take Judith for
my sister; that is a rousing responsibility for a bachelor like me. I
have been near them this winter, which was one of my reasons for
coming here. Now I think of it, perhaps it would have been better if I
had never come.”
“_I think it would._”
The slow, impressive words uttered themselves. She heard them as if
another voice had spoken them. They told the whole truth, the whole,
terrible, sorrowful truth, and he knew it.
“Good-bye,” she said, with a flash of defiance.
“Good-bye,” he said, not seeing the hand held firmly toward him.
“I will not write to you—you have no right to ask it.”
“No, I have not,” he answered humbly, “I have no right to anything;
not even to ask you to become my wife.”
She lifted her proud eyes; her lips framed the words that her tongue
refused to speak.
“I beg your pardon. I hardly know what I said.”
“It is hardly necessary to tell me that.”
“And you will not write to me?”
“No.”
“I am unhappy enough,” he blundered, “I never thought our happy winter
would end like this. I did not mean it to end like this.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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