Guy put his hand to his forehead and found that it was actually wet
with the agony of what on this January afternoon he had been compelling
himself to achieve. Each book before it was condemned he stroked fondly
and smelt like incense the fragrant mustiness of the pages, since nearly
every volume still commemorated either the pleasure of the moment when
he had bought it or some occasion of reading equally good to recall.
Then he covered the pile with a shroud of tattered stuff and wrote a
letter offering them to the only bookseller in Oxford with whom he had
never dealt. Two days later an assistant came over to inspect the booty.
"Well?" said Guy painfully, when the assistant put away his note-book
and shot his cuffs forward.
"Well, Mr. Hazlewood, we can offer you £35 for that little lot."
Guy stammered a repetition of the disappointing sum.
"That's right, sir. And we don't really want them."
"But surely £50...."
The assistant smiled in a superior way.
"We must _try_ and make a _little_ profit," he murmured.
"Oh, God, you'll do that. Why, I must have paid very nearly a hundred
for them, and they were practically all second hand when I bought them."
The assistant shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, sir, but in offering you £35, I'm offering too much as it
is. We don't really want them, you see. They're not really any good to
us."
"You're simply being damned charitable in fact," said Guy. "All right.
Give me a cheque and take them away when you like ... the sooner the
better."
He could have kicked that pile of books he had with such hardship
chosen; already they seemed to belong to this smart young assistant with
the satin tie; and he began to hate this agglomeration which had cost
him such agony and in the end had swindled him out of £15. The
assistant sat down and wrote a cheque for Guy, took his receipt and
bowed himself out, saying that he would send for the books in the course
of the week.
Through the rain Guy went for consolation to Pauline. He told her of his
sacrifice and she with all she could give of exquisite compassion
listened to his tale.
"But, Guy, my darling, why don't you borrow the money from Father? I am
sure he'd be delighted to lend it to you."
Guy shook his head.
"It's impossible. My debts must be paid by myself. I wouldn't even
borrow from Michael Fane. Dearest, don't look so sad. I would sell my
soul for you. Kiss me. Kiss me. I care for nothing but your kisses. You
must promise not to say a word of this to any one. Besides, it's no
sacrifice to do anything that brings our marriage nearer by an inch.
These debts are weighing me down. They stifle me. I am miserable too
about the poems. I haven't told you yet. It's really a joke in one way.
Yes, it's really funny. Worrall wrote to ask for a guinea before he read
them. Now, don't you think there is something very particularly humorous
in being charged a guinea by a reader? However, don't worry about that."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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