He would cure this love-sickness. That was an idea for a sonnet. Damn!
'_I attempt from love's sickness to fly._' It need not be said again. At
the same time, poem or not, he would avoid the Rectory and shut himself
close in that green room which Margaret and Monica had thought so crude
with undergraduate taste. If this cold went on, there would be skating;
and he began to picture Pauline upon the ice. The vision flashed like a
diamond through these gloomy groves, and with the soughing of the skates
in his ears and the thought of Pauline's hands criss-cross in his own,
Guy's first attack on love ended in complete surrender. Skating meant
long talks with never a curious eye to cast dismay; and in long talks
and rhythmic motion possibly she might come to love him. Guy's footsteps
began to ring out upon the iron-bound walk, and of all the sad ghosts
that should have haunted his path, there was not one who walked now
beside him; for, as he dreamed upon the vision of Pauline, the
melancholy of that forsaken place was lightened with a sort of April
exultation and the promise of new life to gladden the once populous
gardens where lovers might have been merry in the past.
However, when he was back in his house, Guy's earlier mood returned, and
he made up his mind anew not to go to the Rectory. Nothing would do for
him but the metaphysics and passion of Dr. John Donne; and on the dreary
evening when the frost yielded to rain before there had been one day's
skating, Guy was as near as anyone may ever have been to conversing with
that old lover's ghost who died before the god of Love was born. All his
plans wore mourning, and the bills that week rose two-and-sixpence-halfpenny
higher than their highest total so far. Guy moped in his green library
and, as he read through the manuscripts of poetry that with the progress
of the night seemed to him worse and worse, he wished he could recapture
some of that self-confidence which had carried him so serenely through
Oxford; and he asked himself if Pauline's love would endow him once more
with that conviction of ultimate fame, to the former safe tenure of
which he now looked back as from a disillusioned old age.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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