“‘My mon,’ says Mac, ‘what are ye saying? Can ye no express yourself in a more intelligible manner?’ and he tips up the cheer as he were settin’ on, on to its hind legs, and just waves his pipe at Tummas, as if he were a kid. The smith could mak’ nowt of the Scotch, but he kicks up Mac’s foot, as he swings it in the air, and down goes skulemaster, chair and all. He clutches at the table to save hisself, like, and that brings down table and whisky bottle too; and Tummas just chucks a couple of chairs and a big cushion off the couch a-top of the whool lot, and he goes into skule. ‘’Ello, lads,’ he shouts: ‘t’ gaffer’s not a-feelin’ so very well to-dee, and it’s ’ollidee for yer all.’ And off they goes down t’ road a ’ollerin’ like mad. My word, it were a bit o’ fun. “Well, squire got to hear of that some road, and Mac had to go: they do say as he got so drunk one day in skule that the lads had him down on the floor, and rolled him along, same as a barrel, but I wasn’t there that day: Tom Jackson tould me of it. And the squire got a college man, as had passed all the zaminations, same as Master Birch.” “Certificated,” I suggested. “Ah, summat o’ that: and he played th’ organ in church, and got us some new tunes, as we didn’t tak’ to, not at first, but, Lor’ bless you, they has ’em everywheer now, and calls ’em old. And he measures up fields for th’ farmers, and goos off manny a time i’ th’ arternoon to learn their daughters to play the pianner, when he should ha’ been in skule, and they should ha’ been makkin’ cheese. ‘Eh, my word,’ Farmer Turner says one day, ‘_theer’s been no good cheese made i’ Cheshire since piannyfortes com’ in_’: and that’s a fact.” And Robert turned over the soil pensively, and threw a worm to his favourite robin. (“_No good cheese since pianos came in._” Mrs. Poyser, or, still more, her misogynist enemy--what was his name? Bartle Massey?--would have been proud of the epigram.) “Well, he gets too big for his boots: couldn’t carry corn, as the sayin’ is: and that year th’ Gov’ment inspector began to come round, same as you, sir; only he was a minister; and he drops on skulemaster, so I heerd, because us lads couldn’t get our sums right; and skulemaster goes off in a huff. “I’d only one more master, because I left skule to go to work when I were eleven: and he were a cliver chap. Th’ inspector i’ those days used to zamine us i’ th’ Bible and Catechism, bein’ a minister, I suppose?” I nodded my head in confession of my disqualification.