Advertising -- Fiction; Bank employees -- Fiction; Labor unions -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Satire
He had no trouble in getting the other names. The bankers were easy. He
told each that the cash was to be handled by a committee of bankers,
thereby insuring efficient management. If Jones, of the small Nineteenth
National, signed, Dawson, of the big Metropolitan, must do likewise or
be convicted of lack of sympathy with a popular cause. The "Dawson
party," comprising, as it did, the richest men in the world, needed
popularity, Heaven knew. He also told the bankers that they would not
have to pay out anything. It won them. He clenched it by comparing
charity to the income tax.
Yes, he did!
"Nobody," he argued, "objects to an income tax that embraces
_everybody_! The great good of such a tax is to make every man feel that
he is supporting the government and to see to it that the government is
spending his money wisely. The income tax should lead to more
intelligent citizenship."
Each banker agreed heartily to that.
"The same with charity. Compel everybody to be charitable, the clerk
equally with the president, that the burden may fall not on the rich,
but on the many. Just sign here, will you, please? Thank you."
The other signatures were equally easy to get. The so-called experts in
charity work always give _their_ reasons. Result: $.00.
On parting, H. R. told each signer the same thing:
"The reporters will be present at the meeting. They may not stay till
the very end. All they want is an advance copy of the speeches and the
names of the people in the first three rows. The meeting begins at
eight-thirty sharp!"
He did not urge a single signer to attend, but at eight-twenty every
seat in the Granite Presbyterian Church was filled by prominent people
who hated reporters and their loathsome prying into a man's private
affairs.
It was a distinguished gathering, for H. R. had picked out nobody whose
name was not familiar to readers of newspaper advertisements, society
news, and government anti-corporation suits. Entire pews were filled
with Success in Art, Literature, Science, Commerce, Finance, and
Christianity.
On the stage, formerly called chancel, were seated four bank presidents,
four bishops, four merchants, four social leaders, four great writers,
four great editors, four great painters, four great landlords, four
great statesmen; in short, four great everything.
H. R. rose and said: "Before introducing the chairman I desire the
uninvited to retire instantly. The invitations were sent exclusively to
the men who have made New York what it is!"
Would you believe it? Not one man retired. And they all knew what New
York was, too!
They really thought New York was something to be proud of.
"Those who do not rightfully belong here will retire!" repeated H. R. so
threateningly that each man instantly sweated mucilage and remained
glued to his seat.
"I present our temporary chairman, Bishop Barrows."
"The meeting will come to order," said the Bishop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account