As to Selim, he advanced also by the earthly road of violent reforms;
but of Hania he thought less, since opposite our quarters was a window
in which sat a schoolgirl named Yozia. Indeed, Selim began to sigh at
her, and for whole days they looked at each other from the two windows,
like two birds in two cages. Selim repeated with unshaken certainty,
"this one or none." Frequently it happened that he would lie face and
hands on the bed and study, then throw his book on the floor, spring up,
seize me, and cry, laughing like a madman,--
"Oh, my Yozia! how I love thee!"
"Go to the plague, Selim!" I would say to him.
"Oh, it is thou, not Yozia," he would answer roguishly, and return to
his book.
At last came the days of examination. Selim and I passed both the final
examination of the gymnasium and the one for entrance to the University
very favorably; after that we were as free as birds, but we stayed three
days longer in Warsaw. We used that time for getting students' uniforms,
and for a solemnity which our master considered indispensable; that is,
a feast for three in the first wine-cellar that we came to.
After the second bottle, when Selim's head and mine were turning, and
when to the cheeks of our master, now a comrade, a flush came, we were
seized by a sudden and uncommon tenderness, combined with an inclination
to confessions of the heart.
"Well, ye have come out among people, my boys," said the master, "and
the world stands open before you. Ye can amuse yourselves now, throw
away money, play the lord, fall in love; but I tell you that these are
follies. A life on the surface, without an idea for which a man lives,
toils, and struggles, is folly. But to live wisely or to live
reasonably, and to struggle wisely, one should look on things soberly.
As to me, I think that I look on them soberly. I believe in nothing
which I cannot touch myself, and I advise the same to you. God knows
there are so many ways of living and thinking in the world, and all in
such confusion, that one needs the devil knows what kind of head to
avoid error. But I hold fast to science, and that's the end of it. They
will not entrap me with trifles. That life is foolish, over this theme I
shall not break a bottle on any man's head; but we have science. Had we
not, I would shoot myself. Every one has the right to do that, as I
think; and I will shoot myself surely if I grow bankrupt to that degree.
But on my foundation one will not be bankrupt. Thou wilt be deceived in
everything: fall in love, the woman will deceive thee; have religion,
the moment of doubt will come; but thou mayst sit quietly till death
investigating the canal of the nutritive infusoria, and wilt not even
notice how on a certain day the world will stupidly grow somehow and
somehow dark to thee, and then the end,--the water clock, the portrait
in the illustrated paper, the more or less dull biography, and the
comedy will be over! After that there will be nothing. I can give you my
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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