It was evident that he had no desire to take further farewell, but he
stretched out his hand mechanically for pressure. Then he opened his
lips as if to say something; but I turned my horse quickly, and trotted
toward home.
"Good-night!" cried Selim.
He stood a while yet on the same spot, then rode slowly toward Horeli.
Lessening my speed, I rode at a walk. The night was beautiful, calm,
warm; the meadows, covered with dew, seemed like broad lakes. From those
meadows came the voices of land rails; bitterns were calling in the
distant reeds. I raised my eyes to the starry immensity; I wanted to
pray and to cry.
Suddenly I heard the tramp of a horse behind me. I looked around; it was
Selim. He had caught up, and, coming before me in the road, said with a
voice full of emotion,--
"Henryk! I have come back because something is the matter with thee. At
first I thought: 'if he is angry, let him be angry!' But afterward I
grew sorry for thee. I could not restrain myself. Tell me what the
matter is. Perhaps I have spoken too much with Hania? Perhaps thou art
in love with her, Henryk?"
Tears stopped my throat, and I could answer nothing at once. If I had
followed my first inspiration, thrown myself on Selim's honest breast,
cried there, and confessed all! Ah! I remember that whenever I met an
outpouring of the heart in another, and opened my own heart
affectionately in response, a kind of irresistible, rebellious pride,
which should have been broken as a stone with a pickaxe, froze my heart
and bound the words on my lips. How many times has my happiness been
ruined by that pride, and always have I regretted it later! Still at the
first moment I could never resist it.
"I was sorry for thee," continued Selim.
So he had compassion on me; that was sufficient to shut my mouth. I was
silent. He gazed at me with his angelic eyes; he spoke with an accent of
entreaty and repentance in his voice,--
"Henryk! Perhaps thou lovest her? She, as thou seest, has pleased me,
but let this be the end. If thou wish, I will not say another word to
her. Tell me: perhaps thou art in love with her already? What hast thou
against me?"
"I do not love her, and I have nothing against thee. I am a little weak.
I was thrown from the horse; I got shaken. I am not at all in love; I
only fell from the horse. Good-night to thee!"
"Henryk! Henryk!"
"I repeat to thee, I was thrown from the horse."
We parted again. Selim kissed me in farewell, and rode away more calmly;
for, in truth, it might be supposed that the fall had had that effect on
me. I remained alone, with a straitened heart, in a kind of deep sorrow,
in tears which stopped my throat, moved by Selim's kindness, angry with
myself, and cursing my conduct in having repulsed him. I let the horse
go at a gallop, and soon I was before the mansion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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