This was what the old Mirza told Father Ludvik, and he told it,
perhaps, to show that though Selim ventured on a mad deed he had done so
in good faith. Taking everything into consideration, Father Ludvik did
not share the anger of my father, who was indignant at Hania's
ingratitude. According to the priest Hania was not ungrateful; she was
simply led astray by sinful worldly love. For that reason the priest
gave me some edifying instruction about worldly feelings, but I did not
take it ill at all of Hania that her love was worldly; I would have been
willing to pay with my life had that love been differently directed. I
felt the greatest compassion for Hania, and moreover my heart had so
grown to her that, had I wished to tear it away, I should have had to
tear it asunder. Therefore I begged Father Ludvik to take her part
before my father, and to explain to him her act as he had to me. I took
farewell of him then, for I wished to be alone.
After the priest had gone, I took down that famous old sabre, given me
by my father, and the pistols, to prepare for the meeting of the
morning. Of that meeting I had had neither the time nor the wish to
think hitherto. I wished to fight for life and death; that was all. As
to Selim, I was convinced that he would not disappoint me. I wiped my
sabre carefully with soft cotton along its broad blue blade. In spite of
something like two hundred years, it had not one dent, though in its day
it had opened not a few helmets and breastplates, and drunk no little
Swedish, Tartar, and Turkish blood. The golden inscription, "Jesus,
Mary," shone distinctly. I tried the edge; it was as fine as the edge of
a satin ribbon. The blue turquoises on the hilt seemed to smile, as if
begging for a hand to grasp and warm them.
Having finished with the sabre, I took the pistols, for I knew not what
weapons Selim might choose. I dropped olive oil on the locks, put bits
of linen cloth around the bullets, and loaded both carefully. They were
ready now. It was three o'clock. When I had finished the work, I threw
myself into an armchair and began to meditate. From the course of
events, and from what Father Ludvik had told me, one point became more
and more evident: that I was to blame not a little for all that had
happened. I asked myself if I had fulfilled properly the duty of
guardian which old Mikolai had imposed on me, and I answered, No. Had I
thought of Hania, and not of myself? I answered, No! Of whom had I been
thinking in all this affair? Directly of myself. And meanwhile Hania,
that mild, defenceless creature, was among us, like a dove among birds
of prey. I could not stifle in myself the immensely bitter thought that
Selim and I had torn her like a tempting booty; and in that struggle,
during which the robber actors were thinking mainly of themselves, she
had suffered most who was least to blame. Now in a couple of hours we
were to have our last battle concerning her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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