"Being actually on the spot," I said, "I knew that I hadn't."
"Do try again."
"Not till the ground's a little softer."
"Let's do the jam-pot trick," said another girl.
"I'm not going under a jam-pot for anybody," I murmured.
However, it turned out that this trick was quite different. You place a
book (Macaulay's _Essays_ or what not) on the jam-pot and sit on the
book, one heel only touching the ground. In the right hand you have a
box of matches, in the left a candle. The jam-pot, of course, is on its
side, so that it can roll beneath you. Then you light the candle ... and
hand it to anybody who wants to go to bed.
I was ready to give way to the ladies here, but even while I was bowing
and saying, "Not at all," I found myself on one of the jam-pots with Bob
next to me on another. To balance with the arms outstretched was not so
difficult; but as the matches were then about six feet from the candle
and there seemed no way of getting them nearer together the solution of
the problem was as remote as ever. Three times I brought my hands
together, and three times the jam-pot left me.
"Well played, Bob," said somebody. The bounder has done it.
I looked at his jam-pot.
"There you are," I said. "'Raspberry--1909.' Mine's 'Gooseberry--1911,'
a rotten vintage. And look at my book, _Alone on the Prairie_; and
you've got _The Mormon's Wedding_. No wonder I couldn't do it."
I refused to try it again as I didn't think I was being treated fairly;
and after Bob and Miss Power had had a race at it, which Bob won, we got
on to something else.
"Of course you can pick a pin out of a chair with your teeth?" said Miss
Power.
"Not properly," I said. "I always swallow the pin."
"I suppose it doesn't count if you swallow the pin," said Miss Power
thoughtfully.
"I don't know. I've never really thought about that side of it much.
Anyhow, unless you've got a whole lot of pins you don't want, don't ask
me to do it to-night."
Accordingly we passed on to the water-trick. I refused at this, but Miss
Power went full length on the floor with a glass of water balanced on
her forehead and came up again without spilling a single drop.
Personally I shouldn't have minded spilling a single drop; it was the
thought of spilling the whole glass that kept me back. Anyway it is a
useless trick, the need for which never arises in an ordinary career.
Picking up _The Times_ with the teeth, while clasping the left ankle
with the right hand, is another matter. That might come in useful on
occasions; as, for instance, if, having lost your left arm on the field
and having to staunch with the right hand the flow of blood from a
bullet wound in the opposite ankle, you desired to glance through the
Financial Supplement while waiting for the ambulance.
"Here's a nice little trick," broke in Bob, as I was preparing myself in
this way for the German invasion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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