Harper's New Monthly Magazine, No. XXIII.—April, 1852.—Vol. IV.: NoneVarious
General
Harper's New Monthly Magazine, No. XXIII.—April, 1852.—Vol. IV.: None
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Civilization -- Periodicals; Culture -- Periodicals
The cold chill that went to my soul! Her history! It was no diary of
facts that I wanted to hear, but only a register of feelings--a register
of feelings in which I should find myself the only point whereto the
index was set. History! what events deserving that name could have
troubled the smooth waters of her life?
I was silent, for I was disturbed; but Julia did not notice either my
embarrassment or my silence, and began, in her low, soft voice, to open
one of the saddest chapters of life which I had ever heard.
"You do not know that I am going into a convent?" she said; then,
without waiting for an answer, she continued: "This is the last month of
my worldly life. In four weeks, I shall have put on the white robe of
the novitiate, and in due course I trust to be dead forever to this
earthly life."
A heavy, thick, choking sensation in my throat, and a burning pain
within my eyeballs, warned me to keep silence. My voice would have
betrayed me.
"When I was seventeen," continued Julia, "I was engaged to my cousin. We
had been brought up together from childhood, and we loved each other
perfectly. You must not think, because I speak so calmly now, that I
have not suffered in the past. It is only by the grace of resignation
and of religion, that I have been brought to my present condition of
spiritual peace. I am now five-and-twenty--next week I shall be
six-and-twenty: that is just nine years since I was first engaged to
Laurence. He was not rich enough, and indeed he was far too young, to
marry, for he was only a year older than myself; and if he had had the
largest possible amount of income, we could certainly not have married
for three years. My father never cordially approved of the engagement,
though he did not oppose it. Laurence was taken partner into a large
concern here, and a heavy weight of business was immediately laid on
him. Youthful as he was, he was made the sole and almost irresponsible
agent in a house which counted its capital by millions, and through
which gold flowed like water. For some time, he went on well--to a
marvel, well. He was punctual, vigilant, careful; but the responsibility
was too much for the poor boy: the praises he received, the flattery and
obsequiousness which, for the first time, were lavished on the
friendless youth, the wealth at his command, all turned his head. For a
long time, we heard vague rumors of irregular conduct; but as he was
always the same good, affectionate, respectful, happy Laurence, when
with us, even my father, who is so strict, and somewhat suspicious,
turned a deaf ear to them. I was the earliest to notice a slight change,
first in his face, and then in his manners. At last, the rumors ceased
to be vague, and became definite. Business neglected; fatal habits
visible, even in the early day; the frightful use of horrible words,
which once he would have trembled to use; the nights passed at the
gaming-table, and the days spent in the society of the worst men on the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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