"'Salary, salary?' reiterated his incorrigible lord ship, 'don't know the word, don't know the word, my good man.' "Again the gentleman explained; 'I mean what wages?' "'Oh, wages,' echoed my lord; 'what d'ye ask? what d'ye ask?' "Trip regained his self-possession at this question, which looked like business, and considering for a few moments, answered--first stipulating to be found in hair-powder, and (on state occasions) silk stockings, and gloves, bags and bouquets--that he should expect thirty pounds a year. "'How much, how much?' demanded my lord rapidly. "'Thirty pounds, my lord.' "'Thirty pounds!' exclaimed Lord Eardley, in affected amazement; 'make it guineas, and _I'll live with_ YOU;' then ringing the bell, said to the servant who answered it, 'Let out this _gentleman_, he's too good for me;' and then turning to Matthews, who was much amused, said, as the man made his exit, 'Conceited, impudent, scoundrel! Soon sent him off, soon sent him off, Master Matthews.'" * * * * * As specimens of the _retort courteous_ and the _retort uncourteous_, observe the two which ensue: "Two of the guests at a public dinner having got into an altercation, one of them, a blustering vulgarian, vociferated: 'Sir, you're no gentleman!' 'Sir,' said his opponent, in a calm voice, 'you are no judge!'" * * * * * TALLEYRAND, being questioned on one occasion by a man who squinted awfully, with several importunate questions, concerning his leg, recently broken, replied: "It is quite _crooked_--as you _see_!" * * * * * If you have ever been a pic-nicking, reader, you will appreciate the annoyances set forth in these lively lines by a modern poet. We went on one of these excursions in August, not many years ago, and while addressing some words that we intended should be very agreeable, to a charming young lady in black, seated by our side, on the bank of a pleasant lake, in the upper region of the Ramapo mountains, a huge garter-snake crept forth at our feet, hissing at our intrusion upon his domain! How the young lady did scamper!--and how we did the same thing, for that matter! But we must not forget the lines we were speaking of: Half-starved with hunger, parched with thirst, All haste to spread the dishes, When lo! we find the soda burst, Amid the loaves and fishes; Over the pie, a sudden sop, The grasshoppers are skipping, Each roll's a sponge, each loaf a mop, And all the meat is dripping. Bristling with broken glass you find Some cakes among the bottles, Which those may eat, who do not mind Excoriated throttles: The biscuits now are wiped and dried, When shrilly voices utter: "Look! look! a toad has got astride Our only plate of butter!"