Permit me to ask you what you Now, Sir? (_and an have had to eat, Sir? interrogative look._) St'k, Sir? Yezzir! shill'n, Sir! 'taters, Sir? I have had a beef-steak, with boiled Yezzir! twop'nce, that's one-and-three, and potatoes; I have also had a fried sole, bread a penny, one-and-three and some bread, and two is one-and-five, with Cheshire cheese, and sole, you said, Sir? Yezzir! and a pint of porter. that's one shilling: one-and-eight and five, thirteen, Sir, the price of all that is two that's two-and-six; and cheese? shillings. Yezzir! two-and-eight and four, that's three shill'n; and porter is four; three, four, eight, ten, fifteen--four-and-two. Thank you, Sir! Waiter, Sir? Thank you, Sir. Good afternoon, Sir. TO FIND ROOM IN A CROWDED OMNIBUS. _Conductor._--Would any gentleman mind going outside, to oblige a lady? _Unfortunate Gentleman (tightly wedged in at the back_).--I should be very happy, but I only came, yesterday, out of the Fever Hospital. [_Omnibus clears in a minute!_ A FILE TO SMOOTH ASPERITIES. The _Sheffield Times_ describes an extraordinary file, which is to be sent from Sheffield to the Great Exhibition. This remarkable file is adorned with designs as numerous as those on the original shield of ACHILLES, all cut and beaten out with hammer and chisel. How much more sensible and friendly to show distinguished foreigners files of this sort, than to exhibit to them files of soldiers! THE LOWEST DEPTH OF MEANNESS. A FARCE, FOUNDED ON FACT. MR. _and_ MRS. SKINFLINT _are discovered in a Parlor in a Fashionable Square. The Wife is busy sewing. The Husband is occupied running his eye, well drilled in all matters of domestic economy, over the housekeeping account of the previous week._ _Mr. Skinflint._--You've been very extravagant in my absence, my dear. _Mrs. Skinflint._--It's the same story every week, JOHN. _Mr. Skinflint._--But, nonsense, Madam, I tell you, you have. For instance, you had a Crab for supper last night. _Mrs. Skinflint (startled)._--How do you know that? It's not down in the book. _Mr. Skinflint (triumphantly)._--No--but I found the shell in the dust-bin!!!! [Illustration: A LITTLE BIT OF HUMBUG. _Shoemaker._ "I THINK, MUM, WE HAD BETTER MAKE YOU A PAIR. YOU SEE, MUM, YOURS IS SUCH A REMARKABLE LONG AND NARRER FOOT!"] FASHIONS FOR MAY.