He was travelling one afternoon on an exceptionally slow train, which came to a stop every now and then without any apparent cause. After expressing himself very audibly to the passengers he resigned himself to the inevitable, and dozed off into short naps, which were interrupted by the sundry jerks of the train, at which he complained. The passengers showed their annoyance at these complaints by angry looks. The conductor had excused the engineer in every possible way. The last apology had been that cattle obstructed the track. The train had started again, and had proceeded about ten minutes, when it halted with a jerk. Up waked the impatient traveller, and petulantly remarked: "Dear, dear! I suppose, conductor, this worse than slow train has struck another herd of cattle?" "Struck another one?--not much," replied the conductor; "we've simply caught up again with the first herd we ran into, that's all." The traveller subsided, and the conductor was left in peace. * * * * * NO HIRING ABOUT THE MATTER. Probably one of the neatest bits of sharp bargaining ever enacted took place not long ago between an apparently ignorant German with an abundance of wealth and a sharp dealer in horses. The German wanted a day's outing, and decided that a long drive would suffice for his wants, and applied to the horse-dealer for the hire of his best horse and trap. The dealer, not knowing the applicant, demurred at supplying his wants. The German, determined to have his ride, finally pulled out a huge roll of bills, and offered to buy the horse and rig, provided the dealer would buy them back at the same price. This surprised the dealer, but not wishing to offend the owner of so much ready money and possibly a good future customer, he agreed to the deal. The German departed with the horse and rig, and at the end of the day returned them in good condition, expressing his satisfaction at the pleasure the drive had afforded him. The dealer, according to the agreement, paid him back the money, and the German started to leave the place. "I beg your pardon, sir," exclaimed the dealer, "but you have forgotten to pay for the hire, you know." "Pay for the hire? Why, my dear sir," coolly replied the German, "I fail to see that. If you will exercise your memory a trifle you will agree that I have been driving my own horse and trap all day, and, now you have bought them back, they are yours. There was no hiring about the matter. Good-day, sir." And he left the astonished dealer to reflect. [Illustration: Ivory Soap] The popular wash silk waists can be made as fresh as new by washing in a suds of Ivory Soap. The gloss is restored by ironing when almost perfectly dry. Use no starch. THE PROCTER & GAMBLE CO, CIN'TI. JOSEPH GILLOTT'S STEEL PENS Nos. 303, 404, 170, 604 E.F., 601 E.F. And other styles to suit all hands. THE MOST PERFECT OF PENS. [Illustration: THOMPSON'S EYE WATER] EARN A BICYCLE! [Illustration]