Family life -- Fiction; Farm life -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
But, indeed he could scarcely have met it in any other way. Even to
his wife, he had never formed the habit of speaking freely of his
thoughts and feelings. There had been no need, so complete was the
understanding between them. A hint, a sentence, reveled to each other
their simple and limited processes of thought. To talk about her now
to strangers was impossible. He had no language by which to express
the heavy, paralyzing pain in his heart.
For a time he performed necessary duties in a dazed, mechanical way.
The horses and live stock were fed regularly, the cows milked; but the
milk stood in the dairy room until it spoiled. Then he would sit down
at his desolate hearth and gaze for hours into the fire, until it sunk
down and died out. Perhaps no class in the world suffers from such a
terrible sense of loneliness as simple-natured country people, to whom
a very few have been all the company they required.
At last Holcroft partially shook off his stupor, and began the
experiment of keeping house and maintaining his dairy with hired help.
For a long year he had struggled on through all kinds of domestic
vicissitude, conscious all the time that things were going from bad to
worse. His house was isolated, the region sparsely settled, and good
help difficult to be obtained under favoring auspices. The few
respectable women in the neighborhood who occasionally "lent a hand" in
other homes than their own would not compromise themselves, as they
expressed it, by "keepin' house for a widower." Servants obtained from
the neighboring town either could not endure the loneliness, or else
were so wasteful and ignorant that the farmer, in sheer desperation,
discharged them. The silent, grief-stricken, rugged-featured man was
no company for anyone. The year was but a record of changes, waste,
and small pilferings. Although he knew he could not afford it, he tried
the device of obtaining two women instead of one, so that they might
have society in each other; but either they would not stay or else he
found that he had two thieves to deal with instead of one--brazen,
incompetent creatures who knew more about whisky than milk, and who
made his home a terror to him.
Some asked good-naturedly, "Why don't you marry again?" Not only was
the very thought repugnant, but he knew well that he was not the man to
thrive on any such errand to the neighboring farmhouses. Though
apparently he had little sentiment in his nature, yet the memory of his
wife was like his religion. He felt that he could not put an ordinary
woman into his wife's place, and say to her the words he had spoken
before. Such a marriage would be to him a grotesque farce, at which
his soul revolted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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