Headhunters of NuamericaCoblentz, Stanton A. (Stanton Arthur)
Science
Headhunters of Nuamerica
Coblentz, Stanton A. (Stanton Arthur)
Science fiction; Short stories
"Never heard of it," said the guard; at which the girl, drawing a
mirror and powder-puff from her bag, began to smear her face anew;
while Downey once more sneezed violently.
"Sounds mighty dangerous!" concluded the guard; and opening a little
black tube on the wall, he called into it, "Send Doctor ZX down here
at once! The prisoner has a fit!"
Downey was just completing his third sneezing spell a minute or two
later when the black-robed Doctor arrived. With a dismayed gasp, he
stared at Downey; then opened a little case and took out a mass of
batteries and wires, which he attached to the prisoner's wrists and
ankles, while he damped two tubes to his ears and listened.
While he was doing this, Judith was using her powder-puff again, and
Downey once more sneezed.
"I don't know just what the disturbance is," the Doctor at length
decided, gloomily. "There's some hidden functional derangement. The
heartbeat is too fast. And the nerve pressure is too low. It's too bad,
young man, that you should have to spoil a good record."
Downey's answer was to sneeze once more.
"I can't imagine what causes the fits," meditated the Doctor, while
conducting a further examination. "It's something new to medical
science. For all I know, it may be contagious. Worst of all the germs
are probably in your body, and would infect any head to which you were
attached."
"It was considered worse than smallpox in our own time," contributed
Judith.
The Doctor paced slowly about the room, shaking his aged head
doubtfully; while he himself, as Judith continued operation with the
powder-puff, all at once began to sneeze.
"By my old head, I do hope I haven't caught it too!" he snapped,
withdrawing from Downey anxiously. And then, with sudden decisiveness,
"That settles it! I'm afraid I have bad news for you, young man. All
our decapitation heroes, as you know, must be in the best physical
condition. We can't take the chance of having them contaminate an old
head. Our rule is, 'Safety first.' So you see, young man, I am left no
choice. I will have to withdraw my recommendation!"
"What?" demanded Downey, rushing toward the Doctor in a wild outburst
of joy. "Does that mean I won't be decapitated?"
"Keep away from me!" snarled the Doctor, making a dash toward the door.
"Of course it means that! There's no use arguing, either! Henceforth
you'll have to earn your living like any ordinary head-wearing citizen!"
* * * * *
As Judith's attendants and the guard withdrew, a startling thought
burst over Downey.
"By heaven, Jude," he exclaimed, "how did I happen to get hay-fever
already? My death-plaque said it's only May. And you know the fever
season doesn't begin till August."
Judith looked up at him with streaming eyes in which a faint light was
dawning. "Silly!" she said. "Why do you think I kept rubbing so much
powder on my face? Don't you remember, you always used to complain, you
were allergic to it, and it made you sneeze so much?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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