American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
If you want to instigate the art of manslaughter just shut two men up
in a eighteen by twenty-foot cabin for a month. Human nature won't
stand it.
When the first snowflakes fell me and Idaho Green laughed at each
other's jokes and praised the stuff we turned out of a skillet and
called bread. At the end of three weeks Idaho makes this kind of a
edict to me. Says he:
"I never exactly heard sour milk dropping out of a balloon on the
bottom of a tin pan, but I have an idea it would be music of the
spears compared to this attenuated stream of asphyxiated thought
that emanates out of your organs of conversation. The kind of
half-masticated noises that you emit every day puts me in mind of a
cow's cud, only she's lady enough to keep hers to herself, and you
ain't."
"Mr. Green," says I, "you having been a friend of mine once, I have
some hesitations in confessing to you that if I had my choice for
society between you and a common yellow, three-legged cur pup, one
of the inmates of this here cabin would be wagging a tail just at
present."
This way we goes on for two or three days, and then we quits speaking
to one another. We divides up the cooking implements, and Idaho cooks
his grub on one side of the fireplace, and me on the other. The snow
is up to the windows, and we have to keep a fire all day.
You see me and Idaho never had any education beyond reading and doing
"if John had three apples and James five" on a slate. We never felt
any special need for a university degree, though we had acquired a
species of intrinsic intelligence in knocking around the world that we
could use in emergencies. But, snowbound in that cabin in the Bitter
Roots, we felt for the first time that if we had studied Homer or
Greek and fractions and the higher branches of information, we'd have
had some resources in the line of meditation and private thought. I've
seen them Eastern college fellows working in camps all through the
West, and I never noticed but what education was less of a drawback to
'em than you would think. Why, once over on Snake River, when Andrew
McWilliams' saddle horse got the botts [12], he sent a buckboard ten
miles for one of these strangers that claimed to be a botanist. But that
horse died.
[FOOTNOTE 12: botts--a parasitic infestation of the intestines of
animals, especially horses, by larvae of the botfly]
One morning Idaho was poking around with a stick on top of a little
shelf that was too high to reach. Two books fell down to the floor. I
started toward 'em, but caught Idaho's eye. He speaks for the first
time in a week.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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