Her imploring looks and the impetuous earnestness of her appeal were
already leading John to self-reproach for the sudden hardening of his
judgment upon her; but it was the last sentence that decided him. He
knew well enough what she meant, and something in him deeper than the
minister leaped at it. If she could wipe out that grisly memory, the
earliest opportunity was due her, and it would relieve him exactly as if
a smirch had been wiped from the brow of womanhood itself. Besides,
there had always been to him something puzzling and incomprehensible
about that scene in the restaurant, which, as the years went by, was
more and more like a horrible dream than an actual experience.
"I will come, Miss Dounay," he assured her gravely.
"Oh, I am so glad!" the woman exclaimed with a little outstretching of
her hand, which would have fallen upon John’s on the back of the pew, if
it had not been raised at the moment in a gesture of negation as he
said:
"But please omit the supper. I am coming at your
call—eagerly—happily—but not even as an old friend; solely as a
minister!"
This speech was so subtly modulated as to make its meaning clear,
without the shadow of offense, and Marien’s humbly grateful manner of
receiving it indicated tacit acknowledgment of the exact nature of the
visit.
Nevertheless, the minister found that in thus specifying he had written
for himself a prescription larger than he could fill. Between the
whiles of his busy afternoon and evening he was conscious of growing
feelings of curiosity and personal interest that threatened to engulf
the loftier object of his intended call. Old memories would revive
themselves; old emotions would surge again. The spirit of adventure and
the spice of expectancy thrust themselves into his thought, so that it
was with a half-guilty feeling that he found himself at the hour
appointed in the hotel corridor outside her room. He was minded to go
back, but stood still instead, reproaching himself for cowardice. His
very uncertainty gave him a feeling of littleness.
Eternal Loyalty was still and forever to be his guiding principle; and
should he not be as true to this actress who had appealed to, him, who
perhaps was to tell him something that would prove she had a right to
appeal to him, as to any other needy one? Should he shrink because of
the irresistible feeling that it was more as a man interested in a woman
than as a priest to confess a soul, that he found himself before her
door? Should all of his experience go for nothing, and was his
character, strengthened by years and chastened by some bitter lessons,
still so undependable that he dared not put himself to the test of this
woman, even though her mysterious power was so great that she could
command a man’s love and deserve his hate, yet send him away from her
without a hurt and feeling admiration mingled with his horror!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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