While he gazed a purpose appeared to stir again in the disconsolate
figure. The dry sobs ceased, and the body straightened till her head
found its rest upon the back of the chair; but there the woman relaxed
again in seeming total exhaustion with eyes closed and lips slightly
parted. Hampstead drew a little closer, as if in tribute to this
determined nature which now obviously fought with its grief as it had
fought to gain the object of its attachment—indomitably. He had again
the feeling which had come to him before, that she was greater, was
worthier than he.
"How I have made you suffer!" Marien exclaimed abruptly, at the same
time opening her eyes.
"Yes," the minister confessed frankly, while the lines of pain seemed to
chisel themselves deeper upon his face with the admission, "you have
indeed made me suffer."
"Can you ever, ever forgive me?" she asked, lifting her hand
appealingly.
It was a small hand and lily white, with slim and tapering fingers. The
minister took it in his and found it as soft as before,—but chilled.
"Yes," he said, gravely and calculatingly, "I do forgive you. The ruin
has been almost complete; but I am strong enough to build again!"
"Oh," she exclaimed eagerly, starting up, "do you think you can?"
"Yes," he assured her stoutly, "I know it." He was beginning to feel
sorrier for her than for himself. "You, too," he suggested gently, "must
begin to build again."
Again her features whitened, and she fell back, pressing her brow with a
gesture of pain and bewilderment, a suggestion of one who wakes to find
one’s self in chaos. It seemed a very long time that she was silent, but
with lines of thought upon her brow and the signs of strengthening
purpose gradually again appearing about her mouth and chin. When she
spoke it was to say with determination:
"Yes; and I, too, am strong enough to build again. In these silent
minutes I have been thinking worlds and worlds of things. I have lost
everything—yet everything remains—and more. My art shall be my husband;
and I will be a greater actress than ever. I shall play with a greater
power, inspired and informed by the love which I have lost. I was never
tender enough before. The critics charged me with hardness; I hated
them for it. I could not understand them. Now I know. I could never
play but half a woman’s heart. I was too selfish, too proud, too
imperious. I regarded love too lightly. That mistake will be
impossible now. I know that love is all and all. There is no ecstasy of
love’s delight of which my imagination cannot conceive; there is no
despair which the loss of love may produce that my experience will not
have fathomed before this poignant ache in my heart is done."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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