"The key to my life is not love; it cannot be love," she went on. "I am
not the purring kitten you have described. It angers me to have you
think so. I am not a thing to love and fondle. I am a tigress tearing
at one object. I am," and in the vehement force of her utterance she
seemed to grow tall and terrible, "I am an ambitious woman! An
unscrupulous, designing, clambering, ambitious woman!"
"But I love you, Marien," John iterated weakly.
"There is no place for love in the calculating life," she rejoined
unhesitatingly. "Love is a thing incalculable." Yet as she uttered
this sentence, her tone softened, and her eyes had a look of awe and
hunger oddly mixed in them; but immediately the expression of resolute
ambition succeeded to her features.
"When I am at the top," she proposed loftily.
"But the better part of life may be gone then," John protested bitterly.
"The top! When shall we reach the top?"
"I shall reach it in a bound when my opportunity comes," Marien answered
with cool assurance. "Nobody, not even myself, knows how good I am.
Any night some man may sit in front who has both the judgment to see and
the money to command playwrights, theaters, New York appearances to
order. When they come, I shall conquer. Oh," and her eyes sparkled
while she shivered with a thrill of self-gratulation, "it is wonderful
to feel the great potential thing inside of you, to know that your wings
are strong enough to fly and you only wait the coming of the breeze. It
is dazzling, intoxicating, to think that within three months I may be a
Broadway star; that within a year the whole English-speaking world may
recognize that a new queen of the emotional drama and of tragedy has
been crowned. Until that hour," and she lowered her voice as she
checked the exaltation of her mood, "until that hour a lover would be a
millstone."
"But," exulted John, "you are not at the top yet. I may arrive first!"
Marien looked him up and down and laughed, just laughed,—about the look
and laugh that Parks had given him.
Hampstead’s eager face flushed.
"You do not think that possible," he challenged aggressively.
"No, dear boy," replied the woman, her tone and manner swiftly
sympathetic, "I know it is not possible. You do not realize how far you
have to go. If you have genius, you do not show it. You have talent,
temperament, intelligence, application; these may win for you, but the
way will be long and the compensation uncertain. If you persist for
ten, fifteen, maybe twenty years, till some of your exuberance has died,
till experience has rounded you off, till you have learned from that
great big compelling teacher out there in front, the audience, what is
art and what is not; while you may not be accounted a great star, yet
the world will recognize your craftsmanship and concede you a place of
eminence upon the stage, a position well worth occupying, but one for
which you will pay long years before you get it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account