Cumberland Mountains -- Fiction; Kentucky -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Mountain life -- Fiction; Short stories
Hit was this way, stranger. When hit comes to handlin' a right peert
gal, Jeb Somers air about the porest man on Fryin' Pan, I reckon; an'
Polly Ann Sturgill have got the vineg'rest tongue on Cutshin or any
other crick.
So the boys over on Fryin' Pan made it up to git 'em together. Abe
Shivers--you've heerd tell o' Abe--tol' Jeb that Polly Ann had seed him
in Hazlan (which she hadn't, of co'se), an' had said p'int-blank that
he was the likeliest feller she'd seed in them mountains. An' he tol'
Polly Ann that Jeb was ravin' crazy 'bout her. The pure misery of it
jes made him plumb delirious, Abe said; an' 'f Polly Ann wanted to find
her match fer languige an' talkin' out peert--well, she jes ought to
strike Jeb Somers. Fact is, stranger, Jeb Somers air might' nigh a
idgit; but Jeb 'lowed he'd rack right over on Cutshin an' set up with
Polly Ann Sturgill; an' Abe tells Polly Ann the king bee air comin'.
An' Polly Ann's cousin, Nance Osborn, comes over from Hell fer Sartain
(whut runs into Kingdom-Come) to stay all night an' see the fun.
Now, I hain't been a-raftin' logs down to the settlemints o' Kaintuck
fer nigh on to twenty year fer nothin', An' I know gallivantin' is
diff'ent with us mountain fellers an' you furriners, in the premises,
anyways, as them lawyers up to court says; though I reckon hit's purty
much the same atter the premises is over. Whar you says "courtin',"
now, we says "talkin' to." Sallie Spurlock over on Fryin' Pan is
a-talkin' to Jim Howard now. Sallie's sister hain't nuver talked to no
man. An' whar you says "makin' a call on a young lady," we says
"settin' up with a gal"! An', stranger, we does it. We hain't got
more'n one room hardly ever in these mountains, an' we're jes obleeged
to set up to do any courtin' at all.
Well, you go over to Sallie's to stay all night some time, an' purty
soon atter supper Jim Howard comes in. The ole man an' the ole woman
goes to bed, an' the chil'un an' you go to bed, an' ef you keeps one
eye open you'll see Jim's cheer an' Sallie's cheer a-movin' purty soon,
till they gets plumb together. Then, stranger, hit begins. Now I want
ye to understand that settin' up means business. We don't 'low no
foolishness in these mountains; an' 'f two fellers happens to meet at
the same house, they jes makes the gal say which one she likes best,
an' t'other one gits! Well, you'll see Jim put his arm 'round Sallie's
neck an' whisper a long while--jes so. Mebbe you've noticed whut
fellers us mountain folks air fer whisperin'. You've seed fellers
a-whisperin' all over Hazlan on court day, hain't ye? Ole Tom Perkins
'll put his arm aroun' yo' neck an' whisper in yo' year ef he's ten
mile out'n the woods. I reckon thar's jes so much devilmint a-goin' on
in these mountains, folks is naturely afeerd to talk out loud.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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