_September 10._--Was most deeply affected with reading the account of the apostasy of Lewis and Broomhall, in the transactions of the Missionary Society. When I first came to the account of the awful death of the former, I cannot describe the sense I had of the reality of religion,--that there is a God who testifies His hatred of sin; 'my flesh trembled for fear of His judgments.' Afterwards, coming to the account of Broomhall's sudden turn to Deism, I could not help even bursting into tears of anxiety and terror at my own extreme danger; because I have often thought, that if I ever should make shipwreck, it would be on the rocks of sensuality or infidelity. The hollowness of Broomhall's arguments was so apparent, that I could only attribute his fall to the neglect of inquiring after the rational foundation of his faith. _September 12._--Read some of the minor prophets, and Greek Testament, and the number of the _Missionary Transactions_. H. drank tea with me in the evening. I read some of the missionary accounts. The account of their sufferings and diligence could not but tend to lower my notions of myself. I was almost ashamed at my having such comforts about me, and at my own unprofitableness. _September 13._--Received a letter from my sister, in which she expressed her opinion of my unfitness for the work of a missionary. My want of Christian experience filled me with many disquieting doubts, and this thought troubled me among many others, as it has often done: 'I am not only not so holy as I ought, but I do not strive to have my soul wrought up to the highest pitch of devotion every moment.' _September 17._--Read Dr. Vanderkemp's mission to Kafraria. What a man! In heaven I shall think myself well off, if I obtain but the lowest seat among such, though now I am fond of giving myself a high one. St. John's, September 29, 1803.