“The material lures of your profession are powerful, but I entreat
you never to consider them. Be a strong and great advocate who will
take his stand only upon truth. In the infinity of your nature you
are fitted to walk alone in the strait places. The temptations which
will accost one of such powers will not be light ones, but if you can
acquire that reverence for your calling, that mediocrities like myself
have been endowed with throughout their days owing to the infinite
mercy of God, that calling has nothing to fear at your hands. It will
derive a new sanction from your genius. But, my dear boy, this is a
terrible gift which you possess. It is a two-edged sword, and if in a
moment of unwariness, such as has been known to visit the heroes of
which we read, one of its sharp edges should be turned against the
society in which you dwell, I beseech you to remember the other edge
will be turned against yourself. He who affirms this is a humble and
aged servitor of truth, and on that plea I beg you to forgive his
importunity.”
All this time the judge had been holding Northcote’s hand. Towards the
end his voice seemed to fail, but the pressure of his fingers increased.
“These are my last words,” he said feebly. “Guard your trust; take your
stand upon truth. May God keep you. One who is old will remember you in
his prayers.”
Almost involuntarily the judge placed his hands on the shoulders of the
young man and pressed his lips to his forehead.
For a moment Northcote seemed petrified with bewilderment. This strange
message from one who had run his course to one who was entering upon
his own atrophied the powers of speech and motion. At last he tore
his hand from the judge’s weakening grasp and ran from the room. In
his flight he seemed to detect the sound of something dull and heavy
falling behind him. Yet in the depths of his agitation and his shame he
did not stay to look back.
He was soon out in the dark streets. Their coldness and commotion,
their secrecy, and above all their freedom, were painfully welcome.
He had hardly been able to draw breath in that arena in which he had
fought his battle during so many dreadful hours. The old madness of
movement, the old insensate desire for liberty overcame him again, and
hungry and weary as he was he proceeded to tramp fiercely about the raw
winter night.
As he marched without aim hither and thither, up one street and down
another, he had no thought of the astonishing victory he had gained.
The words of the judge had overcome everything else. They dealt with
the future; his victory was already a part of the past. His pride
was so arbitrary that it appalled and humiliated him to reflect that
any man, that even an aged servitor of the truth, in the moment of
renunciation of the arduous labors that had oppressed him for so many
years, should have had the temerity to address words of such import to
him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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