“It was the horror of my doom, I think, giving to a life that had
never had any finite knowledge the certainty of the surgeon’s knife,
which had the power to touch me for the first time with the instinct
of beauty. I am sure I know not whether such was the case; but a pall
was lifted from my brain, a stealthy drug seemed to evaporate out of
my pores. There were times when I lay behind the bars of this prison
in which I could have cried aloud for gladness. The open sores in my
nature began to heal. All those dark mysteries, that had pressed me
down like a curse, were spread out before me luminous with meaning at
those hours when the dawn stole into my cell. Ere long I would lie
awake all night to watch for its appearance, for I knew that every time
it came to me I should gain in knowledge. I began to understand why
the sun was warm, why the birds sang, why the rain was wet. I began to
understand that to breathe, to move, to do, to think, to say ‘yes’ and
‘no,’ to wield despotic powers, to do battle with that underworld, that
reflex action, to which I had always been so ready to succumb, were all
acts of splendor and grace, all parts of a living idea that was a noble
solution of my perplexity.
“As I lay behind the bars of my prison I dreamed again and again
of some mighty and enfolding power that would take the whole of my
trembling irresolution in its arms and bend me into the mould of its
all-powerful will. I foresaw that some young god would emerge out of
those clouds about heaven, which for the first time in my life my
enraptured eyes had perceived, that he would break into my cell, that
he would make me the bride of that majestic loveliness which had caused
my sight to shed its first tears.
“When you came and spoke to me in darkness in the prison I knew who
you were. I knew that my dreams had yielded a reality; and that the
new birth which had unfolded itself in my nature had already found a
shape. From that hour of our meeting I thought no longer of my doom.
Now that such a one had consented to plead for me I knew that none
could do me hurt. Even the dock itself was powerless to touch me with
fear; although until you rose to speak I could neither hear nor see,
and I did not know where I was. But at the first sound of your voice I
sat entranced. I forgot that my wicked and degraded life was in your
hands; I forgot that a subject so foul was the source of your beautiful
words. I had never known before what the living voice of poetry was
like. I had never beheld those heights to which a great and noble
nature is able to aspire.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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