“The elect upon whom Nature confers true power are generally
safeguarded in this wise manner. The ambitions of the market-place are
set beyond their reach. I lie down to-night with a p an of thanksgiving
upon my lips. May the hour dawn when you also may consign your bones to
the snow. But in the meantime you have a great work to do in the world.
Nature has filled you with speech; therefore you have the burden of
immense responsibilities, for speech is the most signal of her gifts.
You may or you may not be the great renunciator whom millions of your
countrymen await with fevered looks; but it lies within your province,
as it lies within that of every mariner, to array yourself among those
of humble prophecy who read the meaning of the star in the east. At
least, my friend, all who allow themselves to anticipate a divine
appearance are the servants of truth.”
With these words the scarecrow rose from his chair, and, bowing to the
young man with an austere but kind dignity, left the room as suddenly
and noiselessly as he had entered it.
II
RETROSPECTION
Left alone in the coldness of his garret, Northcote felt a stupefaction
steal upon him. The phase of his own circumstances had lent force to
this bizarre incident. Spectral as this apparition was, however, the
gestures, the tones, the mean garb were those of a living man.
The coming of such a mariner who had been down into the depths of the
sea appeared for a moment to turn his eyes inwards. Seated again before
the empty grate with his hands on his knees, he saw his life and its
surroundings with a sharpness of vision which hunger had seemed to
render more definite. He saw himself as the full-blooded turbulent man,
tormented by desires, thwarted by fortune, yet yearning to express a
complete, moral, intellectual, and physical life. He was so strong,
yet so impotent; so expansive, yet so circumscribed; loving all the
colors of the sun and the bright face of heaven, yet condemned to a
prison, and perhaps the more dreadful darkness of the lazar-house. He
saw himself as the wholesome, simple-hearted citizen, yet as the man
of imagination also, the poet and the dreamer formed to walk upon the
heights, who, oppressed by the duality of his nature, was in danger of
succumbing to weariness, disillusion, and a remorseless material need.
He saw himself as a boy roaming the fields, casting up the soft loam
with his feet, spending long days in dreams of the miraculous future,
and evenings in conversation with his mother,--that wonderful mother
whose mind was so secure, whose conceptions of the heavy duties that
wait upon the gift of life were so odd, yet so exact. He recalled her
as a gaunt, strong, and tall woman, with a red face, rather coarse
hands, and a shabby black hat tied in a frayed velvet bow under her
chin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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