He took himself for granted no more. He must be mad to have gone so
far without having paused to subject himself to the self-criticism
that is so salutary. How could he blame the solicitor whose eminently
practical mind had resented this inaccessibility to the ordinary rules
of prudence? Was he not the veriest novice in his profession, without
credentials of any kind? And yet he arrogated to himself the right to
embark upon a line of conduct that was in direct opposition to the
promptings of a mature judgment.
How could he have been so sure of this supreme talent? It had never
been brought to test. The only measure of it was his scorn of others,
the scorn of the unsuccessful for those who have succeeded. The
passion with which it had endowed him was nothing more, most probably,
than a monomania of egotism. How consummate was the folly which could
mistake the will for the deed, the vaulting ambition for the thing
itself!
On the few occasions, some seven or eight in all, in which he had
turned an honest guinea, mostly at the police-court, he had betrayed
no surprising aptitude for his profession. There had been times, even
in affairs so trivial, when his highly strung nervous organization had
overpowered the will. He had not been exempt from the commission of
errors; he recalled with horror that once or twice it had fallen to his
lot to be put out of countenance by his adversary; while once at least
he had drawn down upon himself the animadversions of the presiding
deity. Surely there was nothing in this rather pitiful career to
provide a motive for this overweening arrogance.
He grew the more amazed at his own hardihood as he walked along. To
what fatal blindness did he owe it that from the beginning his true
position had not been revealed to him? Where were the credentials that
fitted him to undertake a task so stupendous? What achievement had he
to his name that he should venture to launch his criticisms against
those who had been through the fray and had emerged victorious? How
could he have failed to appreciate that abstract theory was never
able to withstand the impact of experience! It was well enough in the
privacy of his garret to conceive ideas and to sustain his faculties
with dreams of a future that could never be, but once in the arena,
when the open-mouthed lion of the actual lay in his path, he would
require arms more puissant than these.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account