No answer came to this despairing question, and no sound from Gertrud's
lips; mutely she fought out the conflict, the hardest in her life. How
terrible it was, the convulsively wrung hands bore witness, but the
lips were silent against the pain. She believed that in the past night
she had known the fullest measure of tormenting anxiety, and yet, the
despair of that hour compared with this moment! Now, with her own hand
she must strike the threatening blow, it would be a deadly one, she
knew, and this time more was at stake than life alone.
Only few, in face of such a choice, would have possessed the courage
for conflict; they would have succumbed to swoons or tears, only
listening to the voice of the heart, and turning away from the fateful
decision. For her own unhappiness Gertrud was not one of the weak ones.
A lonely, sad youth, containing bitter experiences enough for a whole
life, had steeled her to endurance, but also given her that hardness,
which happy people know nothing of. The iron law of duty, hitherto the
single principle of her life, here, too, silenced every other voice,
and, silently, and warningly came back the remembrances of the past,
still sleeping unforgotten in her inmost soul. Every bitter hour in
which her childhood had been so rich, every tear which she had shed,
every humiliation she had endured, the mother's dying bed, the picture
of her never known, but yet passionately loved father--all, all passed
vividly before her, and as these remembrances poured upon her, the
girl's features grew hard and cold, till at last, with dark decision
she arose. The conflict was at an end; she laid her right hand as if
with an oath, upon the fateful paper.
"The warning came at the right time! I was on the point of treason to
myself and to my whole past. My poor sacrificed parents, the daughter
will know how to guard your rights--even though she should perish in
the act!"
Meanwhile, the other inhabitants of the house sat, as usual, after
breakfast, in the garden house. Baron Sternfeld read aloud to his
mother from the newspaper, but the political news, which she followed
with such attention, seemed to weary the Baronin as well as Frau von
Reinert; the former divided her attention between her embroidery and
her two little daughters, who were playing outside on the terrace, and
the latter yawned again and again behind her handkerchief.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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