Quintard threw open the door of the boudoir and was at her side in an
instant. His face was white and his lips were blue, but the fierceness
was gone from his eyes.
“You were going to kill yourself,” he said.
“Yes,” she replied, “I shall kill myself.”
“I knew it! Sit down and listen to me.”
He pushed her on to a divan and sat in front of her.
“I find by my watch that it is but an hour since I left you,” he went
on. “I had thought the world had rolled out of its teens. For most of
that hour I was mad. Then came back that terrible hunger of heart and
soul, a moment of awful, prophetic solitude. Let your past go. I cannot
live without you.”
Hermia bent her body until her forehead touched her knees. “I cannot,”
she said; “I never could forget, nor could you.”
“I _would_ forget, and so will you. I will make you forget.”
She shook her head. “Life—nothing would ever be the same to me; nor to
you—now that I have told you.”
He hesitated a moment. “You did right to tell me,” he said, “for your
soul’s peace. And I—I love you the better for what you have suffered.
And, my God! think of life without you! Let it go; we will make our past
out of our future.”
He sat down beside her and took her in his arms, then drew her across
his lap and laid her head against his shoulder.
“We are the creatures of opportunity, of circumstance,” he said; “we
must bow to the Doctrine of the Inevitable. Inexorable circumstance
waited too long to rivet our links; that is all. Circumstance is rarely
kind save to the commonplace, for it is only the commonplace who never
make mistakes. But no circumstance shall stand between us now. I love
you, and you are mine.”
He drew her arms about his neck and kissed her softly on her eyes, her
face, her mouth.
“You have suffered,” he whispered, “but let it be over and forgotten.
Poor girl! how fate all your life has stranded you in the desert, and
how you have beaten your wings against the ground and fought to get out.
Come to me and forget—forget—”
She tightened her arm about his neck and pressed his face against her
shoulder. Then she took the cork from the phial hidden in her sleeve.
With a sudden instinct Quintard threw back his head, and the movement
knocked the phial from her hand. It fell to the floor and broke.
For a moment he looked at her without speaking. Under the reproach in
his eyes her lids fell.
He spoke at last. “Have you not thought of me once, Hermia? Are you so
utterly absorbed in yourself, in your desire to bury your misery in
oblivion, that you have not a thought left for my suffering, for my
loneliness, and for my remorse? Do you suppose I could ever forget that
you killed yourself for me? You are afraid to live; you can find no
courage to carry through life the gnawing at your soul. You have
pictured every horror of such an existence. And yet, by your own act,
you willingly abandon one whom you profess to love, to a life full of
the torments which you so terribly and elaborately comprehend.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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