Hesperus; or, Forty-Five Dog-Post-Days: A Biography. Vol. II.Jean Paul
General
Hesperus; or, Forty-Five Dog-Post-Days: A Biography. Vol. II.
Jean Paul
Fiction
Our Victor felt as light as after a tempest; the bitterest thing which
insults can do to us is, that they compel us to hate. On the other
hand, he felt now how impure our resistance to evil, which we give out
for virtue, is, sand how disagreeable it is even to a noble soul to
combat enemies without bearing malice against them; for this is still
harder than blessing and protecting them without loving them.
Thus some weeks elapsed during his enforced landings at the hostile
court,--for the request of his father ruled his heart,--and vain hopes
of Clotilda's decision, and tearful retrospective yearnings toward the
suspended days of love and the _desolated_ days of friendship.
Clotilda's silence, however, was precisely an assent to his coming;
still he superfluously announced to her by a second letter the day of
the same. For the rest, to him, thus bound to the throne as to a
whipping-post, thus hurled out from all the objects of his love, thus
fixed upon nothing but a far-off thundering future, in which his
Emanuel after fourteen days sinks into the earth and his Clotilda into
a thousand sorrows, the present grew close and sultry. Around him
whirled an unripe tempest, and, as at the equinoxes, the clouds hung
immovably about him as a great thick mass, and the secret laboring in
the high element had not yet decided whether it was to run together in
tear-drops or break up into blue.
At last he went to St. Luna ... in sooth only sadly blest! O could he
glance at the Luna footpath or at the Parsonage, which covered the
stages of buried friendship, without turning away his overflowing eye,
without thinking how much vainer is the loving than the life of men,
how fate employs precisely the warmest hearts for the destruction of
the best (just as one uses only _burning-lenses_ for the calcining of
_precious stones_), and how many a silent breast is nothing but the
sunken coffin of a beloved and faded image?--It is a nameless feeling
to wish to love a friend for memory's sake, and be obliged to shun him
from honor. Victor _wished_ he _could_ forgive his infatuated darling;
but in vain: the arsenical word which pains me in his name remained
still, in spite of all sweetening juices with which he swathed it,
lying undissolved and corroding and deadly in his soul. Good Flamin! a
stranger could love thee, I, for example; but the friend of thy youth,
no more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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