Hesperus; or, Forty-Five Dog-Post-Days: A Biography. Vol. II.Jean Paul
General
Hesperus; or, Forty-Five Dog-Post-Days: A Biography. Vol. II.
Jean Paul
Fiction
To-night with his melted, overflowing soul, he felt this sooner than
ever. The Anglaise, in which one couple after another disappears from
the column, was the very image of our shadowy life, into which we all
march out with drums, and encircled with thousands of playmates, and in
which we grow poorer and poorer every year as we move onward, every
hour more solitary, and in which we hurry to the end forsaken by all
except a hired man, who buries us behind the goal. But death spreads
out, as it were, our arms, and folds them around our beloved brothers
and sisters; a human being feels for the first time on the brink of the
tomb, when he comes upon the realm of unknown beings, how much he loves
the known ones who love him, who suffer like him, and like him die.
As a woman in no way discloses to us more touchingly the whole blessed
past, than when she lifts her eyelids and shows us her beaming eyes,
accordingly he could not well help, during the dance, at least,
looking into an eye, which pictured to him nothing but heavens that had
set,--and to-night all was to set for him, even the eye itself. And as
Clotilda usually grew pale with dancing, he entered through her eyes
into her innermost being, and counted there the tear-drops that hung
undisturbed on the still soul,--the many incisions made by the
grafting-knife of fate for new virtues,--the clipped roots which fate
shortens in this flower as we do in lowlier plants, before
transplanting into another soil,--and the thousand honey-vessels of
sweet thoughts. And as he thought on all her hidden virtues at once, on
the supremacy of her womanly reason over her sensibility, on her easy
consent in regard to the ball which the Prince now imposed upon her, as
well as in regard to the rouging on which the Princess had before
insisted, and on her ready compliance, whenever she had to sacrifice
nothing but herself;--and as he held the thought before his mind how
she, not like the women of court and city, who, like shrubs at the
window of the greenhouse, spread themselves out after the light, but
like spring flowers, loved to bloom in the shade, and yet made as
little show of her fondness for country life as of her modesty;--he had
to turn away his eye from the delicate, upright flower, on which death
threw down the gravestone; from that loveliest soul who never yet saw
her worth in the glass of an equal; from the dying heart, which
nevertheless was not happy.
And then, to be sure, the thought before which he shrank into himself
sprang up like a storm: "I will tell her to-day how good she is,--O, I
shall certainly never see her again, and she will die, otherwise
unknown to herself! I will fall at her feet and confess my
inexpressible love. She cannot be angry; God knows I crave not her holy
heart, which no man deserves; I will only say, Mine shall never forget
thee, but it desires not thine, only it will break more gently when it
has trembled and bled and wept and spoken before thee." ...
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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