Hey Rub-a-dub-dub: A Book of the Mystery and Wonder and Terror of LifeDreiser, Theodore
General
Hey Rub-a-dub-dub: A Book of the Mystery and Wonder and Terror of Life
Dreiser, Theodore
American essays -- 20th century
He is! He is! It is so plain
Upon His Throne He doth remain!
By day or night, in dark or light,
We feel His presence shining bright!
All’s well with the world!
(_They roll to and fro in rows of one hundred each._)
THE ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SPECTATORS
(_Uproariously._)
Hey! Hey! What a glorious day!
Hey! Hey! What a glorious day!
(_The cheering is resumed for fifteen minutes more, during which ten
vanloads of souffle are distributed._)
NOXUS PODUNKUS
(_After order has been restored and surveying his associates of the
Musnud sleepily._) Perfect! Perfect!--or nearly so! Beautiful! I never
saw anything so well done! Never! Such order! Such union! But--let me
see--I believe these are all the questions to be asked of these
divisions, are they not? (_Looks about him helplessly and yet benignly.
The fifty Dizzards all rush together and confer. The Hoddy-Doddys ditto.
The Zanys ditto. The Loobies and Gaberlunzies bite their nails, then
rush together and mumble. The Moonshees sit up and confer with_
PODUNKUS. _He proceeds._) Ah yes! As I was saying! Quite so! Quite so!
Since, then, it is the opinion of the Associated Members of the Musnud
that the report of the Descendant Sons and Daughters of Ancient and
Honorable Free and Accepted Boy Scouts and Anti-(_he reads the entire
roster_) seems to accord with the progress of the year as reported to us
from all outlying sections of the Federation, and it is their wish that
it be accepted and offered and engrossed in the records of the Musnud as
a true picture of the state and progress of the world for this year of
our Lord A. D. 3913, they will signify as much by saying “Aye,”
contrary, “Nay.” The “Ayes” have it. The report of these excelling
representatives is accepted and they are excused. (_He falls back and
into a deep sleep. The Moonshees do likewise._)
THE ONE HUNDRED MOONSHEES
(_Weakly, in their sleep_). Souffle! Souffle!
THE ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SPECTATORS
Hey! Hey! Hey! ’Tis a perfect day!
’Tis a perfect day! ’Tis a perfect day!
Hey! Hey! Hey! ’Tis a perfect day!
(_They cheer for one solid hour._)
THE 1ST, 316TH, 3727TH, 4728TH, 6914TH, AND 7178TH
(_Ricochetting and executing triple hand-springs, the while_ SHISHMASH
HASH HASH _sidesteps and returns to the main stage entrance, left._)
What pleasure, oh! What pleasure, oh!
To know the world is perfect, so
That never now by day or night
Need any one feel fear or fright.
(_They zigzag gaily in ranks of one thousand and exit._)
SHISHMASH HASH HASH
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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