You've thought it "best to tell the truth." Amongst the rest of my advices, Defend all tradesmen 'as to prices:' The very thought of an abatement Was for the _little_, not the great meant. And who'd oppose a little tricking, Which brings yourself a deal of picking? And where,--to use an honest course, The saddle's put on the right horse? Keep, then, those shopkeepers in view, Who'll more than wink at all you do;-- In short, trust no one (to save trouble), That won't make out a bill for double. Mind nothing but your own affairs, And let the rest attend to theirs. Thus if, for instance, you are told To shut the stable-door: make bold To say (for that your only course is), You "warn't brought up at all to horses." The Footman's ask'd to drive a nail, And must adopt a sim'lar tale; He "can't in such a bus'ness stir, But Tom can fetch th' upholsterer!" To put out candles there are ways Demanding more than common praise. Some of you make no 'bones' at all Of dabbing it against the wall; Some twirl it round, and round, and round; Some tread it out upon the ground: Others will give the spark release, By drowning it in its own grease! But being mostly done in haste, Much must depend on your own taste; Only remember, aught prefer To a downright extinguisher! But candles, still, I've not quite done with, They're things to make such store of fun with. 'Put out the light,' and still there's room Its 'former' twinklings to 'relume.' If once they're lighted, that's enough,-- All that is 'left' is kitchen-stuff: But do not (never for your soul) 'Go for to' cut up candles whole! I knew a girl who cut her sticks, Because the chandler smoked the wicks, Convinced there must be something rotten With such a deuced heap of cotton: It didn't ('nor ought it to') succeed, Being a truly wicked deed! Write both your own and sweetheart's names (To show the height of both your flames, Your love and learning both revealing) With candle-smoke upon the ceiling, And never mind whoever laughs,-- They're extra 'curious autographs!' To shut or open doors if loath, (And who'd be bother'd to do both?) To keep from quarrels about either, The shortest way is to do neither. But if the 'shutting' (quite a poser) Brings a _command_, that's quite a closer: Do it, to cause their special wonder, To vie with any clap of thunder! Thus while you prove you know your trade, They'll be convinced that they're obeyed. Indulge yourself in bouncing airs, Go, mutt'ring all the way down stairs,-- "They're people that you will not stop with;" It's "rayther more than you'll put up with." If you find out they _somehow_ like you, One thought will naturally strike you; Give warning--instantly, and say