Autobiographical fiction; Impressionist artists -- France -- Paris -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Intellectual life -- Fiction
‘You see! you see!’ Christine repeated, victoriously. And he, in a very
low voice, stammered:
‘Oh! what have I done? Is it impossible to create, then? Haven’t our
hands the power to create beings?’
She felt that he was giving way, and she caught him in her arms:
‘But why all this folly?--why think of anyone but me--I who love
you? You took me for your model, but what was the use, say? Are those
paintings of yours worth me? They are frightful, they are as stiff, as
cold as corpses. But I am alive, and I love you!’
She seemed to be at that moment the very incarnation of passionate
love. He turned and looked at her, and little by little he returned her
embrace; she was softening him and conquering him.
‘Listen!’ she continued. ‘I know that you had a frightful thought; yes,
I never dared to speak to you about it, because one must never bring
on misfortune; but I no longer sleep of a night, you frighten me. This
evening I followed you to that bridge which I hate, and I trembled, oh!
I thought that it was all over--that I had lost you. Oh, God! what would
become of me? I need you--you surely do not wish to kill me! Let us live
and love one another--yes, love one another!’
Then, in the emotion caused him by her infinite passion and grief, he
yielded. He pressed her to him, sobbing and stammering:
‘It is true I had that frightful thought--I should have done it, and I
only resisted on thinking of that unfinished picture. But can I still
live if work will have nothing more to do with me? How can I live after
that, after what’s there, what I spoilt just now?’
‘I will love you, and you will live.’
‘Ah! you will never love me enough--I know myself. Something which
does not exist would be necessary--something which would make me forget
everything. You were already unable to change me. You cannot accomplish
a miracle!’
Then, as she protested and kissed him passionately, he went on: ‘Well,
yes, save me! Yes, save me, if you don’t want me to kill myself! Lull
me, annihilate me, so that I may become your thing, slave enough, small
enough to dwell under your feet, in your slippers. Ah! to live only on
your perfume, to obey you like a dog, to eat and sleep--if I could, if I
only _could_!’
She raised a cry of victory: ‘At last you are mine! There is only I
left, the other is quite dead!’
And she dragged him from the execrated painting, she carried him off
triumphantly. The candle, now nearly consumed, flared up for a minute
behind them on the steps, before the big painting, and then went out. It
was victory, yes, but could it last?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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