Autobiographical fiction; Impressionist artists -- France -- Paris -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Intellectual life -- Fiction
The clock had just struck seven; he had been at work for eight mortal
hours without tasting anything but a crust of bread, without taking a
moment’s rest, ever on his legs, shaken by feverish excitement. And now
the sun was setting, shadows began to darken the studio, which in the
gloaming assumed a most melancholy aspect. When the light went down like
this on the crisis of a bad day’s work, it seemed to Claude as if the
sun would never rise again, but had for ever carried life and all the
jubilant gaiety of colour away.
‘Come,’ implored Sandoz, with all the gentleness of brotherly
compassion. ‘Come, there’s a good fellow.’
Even Dubuche added, ‘You’ll see more clearly into it to-morrow. Come and
dine.’
For a moment Claude refused to surrender. He stood rooted to the spot,
deaf to their friendly voices, and fiercely obstinate.
What did he want to do then, since his tired fingers were no longer able
to grasp the brush? He did not know, but, however powerless he might be,
he was gnawed by a mad craving to go on working still and to create
in spite of everything. Even if he did nothing, he would at least stay
there, he would not vacate the spot. All at once, however, he made up
his mind, shaken the while as by a big sob. He clutched firmly hold
of his broadest palette-knife, and, with one deep, slow sweep, he
obliterated the woman’s head and bosom. It was veritable murder, a
pounding away of human flesh; the whole disappeared in a murky, muddy
mash. By the side of the gentleman in the dark jacket, amidst the
bright verdure, where the two little wrestlers so lightly tinted were
disporting themselves, there remained naught of the nude, headless,
breastless woman but a mutilated trunk, a vague cadaverous stump, an
indistinct, lifeless patch of visionary flesh.
Sandoz and Dubuche were already descending the stairs with a great
clatter, and Claude followed them, fleeing his work, in agony at having
to leave it thus scarred with a gaping gash.
III
THE beginning of the week proved disastrous to Claude. He had relapsed
into one of those periods of self-doubt that made him hate painting,
with the hatred of a lover betrayed, who overwhelms the faithless one
with insults although tortured by an uncontrollable desire to worship
her yet again. So on the Thursday, after three frightful days of
fruitless and solitary battling, he left home as early as eight in
the morning, banging his door violently, and feeling so disgusted with
himself that he swore he would never take up a brush again. When he was
unhinged by one of these attacks there was but one remedy, he had to
forget himself, and, to do so, it was needful that he should look up
some comrades with whom to quarrel, and, above all, walk about and
trudge across Paris, until the heat and odour of battle rising from her
paving-stones put heart into him again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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