United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
By an effort which evidently taxed every atom of his manhood, Graham
gained self-control, and said quietly, "Miss St. John, I think better
of myself for having loved you. If I had known! But you are not to
blame. It is I who have been blind, for you have never shown other than
the kindly regard which was most natural, knowing that I was Hilland's
friend. I have not been frank either, or I should have learned the
truth long ago. I disguised the growing interest I felt in you from the
first, fearing I should lose my chance if you understood me too early.
I am Hilland's friend. No one living now knows him better than I do,
and from the depths of my heart I congratulate you. He is the best and
truest man that ever lived."
"Will you not be my friend, also?" she faltered.
He looked at her earnestly as he replied, "Yes, for life."
"You will feel differently soon," said the young girl, trying to smile
reassuringly. "You will see that it has all been a mistake, a
misunderstanding; and when your friend returns we will have the
merriest, happiest times together."
"Could you soon feel differently?" he asked.
"Oh! why did you say that?" she moaned, burying her face in her hands.
"If you will suffer even in a small degree as I should!"
Her distress was so evident and deep that he stood erect and stepped
toward her. "Why are you so moved, Miss St. John?" he asked. "I have
merely paid you the highest compliment within my power."
Her hands dropped from her face, and she turned away, but not so
quickly as to hide the tears that dimmed her lustrous eyes. His lip
quivered for a moment at the sight of them, but she did not see this.
"You have merely paid me a compliment," she repeated in a low tone.
The lines of his mouth were firm now, his face grave and composed, and
in his gray eyes only a close observer might have seen that an
indomitable will was resuming sway. "Certainly," he continued, "and
such compliments you have received before and would often again were
you free to receive them. I cannot help remembering that there is
nothing unique in this episode."
She turned and looked at him doubtingly, as she said with hesitation,
"You then regard your--your--"
"My vacation experience," he supplied.
Her eyes widened in what resembled indignant surprise, and her tones
grew a little cold and constrained as she again repeated his words.
"You then regard your experience as a vacation episode."
"Do not for a moment think I have been insincere," he said, with strong
emphasis, "or that I should not have esteemed it the chief honor of my
life had I been successful--"
"As to that," she interrupted, "there are so many other honors that a
man can win."
"Assuredly. Pardon me, Miss St. John, but I am sure you have had to
inflict similar disappointments before. Did not the men survive?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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