United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
myself, but my hope was strong, for I felt that by the very law and
correspondence of nature I could not have such an immeasurable need
without having that need supplied. In my impatience I left my business
unfinished and returned this evening, for I could not endure another
hour of delay. She seemed to answer my glad looks when we met; she gave
her hand in cordial welcome. I, blinded by feeling, and thinking that
its very intensity must awaken a like return, stood speechless, almost
overwhelmed by my transcendent hope. She interpreted my manner
naturally by what was uppermost in her mind, and exclaimed: 'He has
told you--he has written.' In a moment I knew the truth, and I scarcely
think that a knife piercing my heart could inflict a deeper pang. I
could not rally for a moment or two. When shall I forget the
sympathy--the tears that dimmed her dear eyes! I have a religion at
last, and I worship the divine nature of that complete woman. The
thought that I made her suffer aroused my manhood; and from that moment
I strove to make light of the affair--to give the impression that she
was taking it more seriously than I did. I even tried to pique her
pride--I could not wound her vanity, for she has none--and I partially
succeeded. My task, however, was and will be a difficult one, for her
organization is so delicate and fine that she feels what she cannot
see. But I made her laugh in spite of herself at my prudent, wary
wooing. I removed, I think, all constraint, and we can meet as if
nothing had happened. Not that we can meet often--that would tax me
beyond my strength--but often enough to banish solicitude from her mind
and from Hilland's. Now you know the facts sufficiently to become a
shrewd and efficient ally. By all your regard for me--what is far more,
by all your love for her--I entreat you let me bring no cloud across
her bright sky. We are going over to whist as usual to-night. Let all
be as usual."
"Heaven bless you, Alford!" faltered his aunt, with tearful eyes.
"Heaven! what a mockery! Even the lichen, the insect, lives a complete
life, while we, with all our reason, so often blunder, fail, and miss
that which is essential to existence."
Mrs. Mayburn shook her head slowly and thoughtfully, and then said:
"This very fact should teach us that our philosophy of life is false.
We are both materialists--I from the habit of living for this world
only; you, I suppose, from mistaken reasoning; but in hours like these
the mist is swept aside, and I feel, I know, that this life cannot,
must not, be all in all."
"Oh, hush!" cried Graham, desperately. "To cease to exist and therefore
to suffer, may become the best one can hope for. Were it not cowardly,
I would soon end it all."
"You may well use the word 'cowardly,'" said his aunt in strong
emphasis; "and brave Grace St. John would revolt at and despise such
cowardice by every law of her nature."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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