Hobson's Choice: A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts — John Shaqi
Hobson's Choice: A Lancashire Comedy in Four ActsBrighouse, Harold
General
Hobson's Choice: A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts
Brighouse, Harold
English drama -- 20th century; Fathers and daughters -- Drama; Sisters -- Drama
HOBSON. I might face it, Maggie. Shop hands are cheap.
MAGGIE. Cheap ones are cheap. The sort you'd have to watch all day,
and you'd feel happy helping them to tie up parcels and sell laces with
Tudsbury and Heeler and Minns supping their ale without you. I'm value
to you, so's my man; and you can boast it at the "Moonraker's" that your
daughter Maggie's made the strangest, finest match a woman's made this
fifty year. And you can put your hand in your pocket and do what I
propose.
HOBSON. I'll show you what I propose, Maggie. (_He lifts trap and
calls_.) Will Mossop! (_He places hat on counter and unbuckles belt_.)
I cannot leather you, my lass. You're female, and exempt, but I can
leather him. Come up, Will Mossop.
(WILL _comes up trap and closes it_.)
You've taken up with my Maggie, I hear. (_He conceals strap_.)
WILLIE. Nay, I've not. She's done the taking up.
HOBSON. Well, Willie, either way, you've fallen on misfortune. Love's
led you astray, and I feel bound to put you right. (_Shows strap_.)
WILLIE. Maggie, what's this? (_Moves down_ R. _a little_.)
MAGGIE. I'm watching you, my lad.
HOBSON. Mind, Willie, you can keep your job. I don't bear malice, but
we must beat the love from your body, and every morning you come here to
work with love still sitting in you, you'll get a leathering. (_Getting
ready to strike_.)
WILLIE. You'll not beat love in me. You're making a great mistake, Mr.
Hobson, and--
HOBSON. You'll put aside your weakness for my Maggie if you've a liking
for a sound skin. You'll waste a gradely lot of brass at chemist's if I
am at you for a week with this. (_He swings the strap_.)
WILLIE. I'm none wanting thy Maggie, it's her that's after me, but I'll
tell you this, Mr. Hobson--(_seizing_ MAGGIE _roughly by the arm_),--if
you touch me with that belt, I'll take her quick, aye, and stick to her
like glue.
HOBSON. There's nobbut one answer to that kind of talk, my lad. (_He
strikes with belt_. MAGGIE _shrinks_.)
WILLIE. And I've nobbut one answer back. Maggie, I've none kissed you
yet. I shirked before. But, by gum, I'll kiss you now--(_he kisses her
quickly, with temper, not with passion, as quickly leaves her, to face_
HOBSON)-and take you and hold you. And if Mr. Hobson raises up that
strap again, I'll do more. I'll walk straight out of shop with thee and
us two 'ull set up for ourselves.
MAGGIE. Willie! I knew you had it in you, lad. (_She puts her arm
round his neck. He is quite unresponsive. His hands fall limply to his
sides_.)
(HOBSON _stands in amazed indecision_.)
CURTAIN.
ACT II
_A month later. The shop as Act I. It is about mid-day_. ALICE _is in_
MAGGIE'S _chair at the desk, some ledgers in front of her, and_ VICKEY
_is reading behind the counter. The trap is open and_ TUBBY _stands near
the desk by_ ALICE.
ALICE. I'm sure I don't know what to tell you to do, Tubby.
TUBBY. There's nothing in at all to start on, Miss Alice. We're worked
up.
ALICE. Well, father's out and I can't help you.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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