That night, after the children were asleep on straw in the cellar down
the road, their parents came back to wander about in the moonlight over
their ravaged little kingdom. The wife said little, drawing her breath
irregularly, keeping a strained grasp on her husband's arm. For the most
part he succeeded in speaking in a steady voice of material plans for
the future,--how he could get some galvanized roofing out of the nearest
trench _abri_; how he could use the trunks of the felled trees to
strengthen his hastily constructed brick walls, and for roof-beams; what
they could plant in the garden and the field--things which she and the
children could cultivate after he had gone back.
At this reminder of the inevitable farewell again before them, the wife
broke out in loud wailings, shivering, clutching at him wildly. He drew
her down on a pile of rubbish, put his arms around her, and said in a
peremptory tone: "Paulette! Listen! _You are letting the Boches beat
you!_" He used to her the tone he used for his squad, his new soldier's
voice which the war had taught him, the tone which carried the laggards
up over the top. At the steel-like ring of it his wife was silent.
He went on: "There's nothing any of us _can_ do but to go on. The only
thing to do is to go on without making a fuss. That's the motto in the
army, you know. Don't make a fuss." He lifted his head and looked
around at his home dismantled, annihilated. "_Not to give up_,--that and
the flat-irons are about all the Boches have left us, don't you see?"
He was silent a moment and went on with his constructive planning.
"Perhaps I can get enough lime sent on from Noyon to really rebuild the
chimney. With that, and a roof, and the garden, and the allocation from
the Government ..."
"Yes, Pierre," said his wife in a trembling voice. She did not weep
again.
He himself, however, was not always at this pitch of stoicism. There
were times when he looked up suddenly and felt, as though for the first
time, the downfall and destruction of all that had been his life. At
such moments the wind of madness blew near him. The night after they had
moved from the cellar into the half-roofed, half-walled hut, to sleep
there on the makeshift beds, he lay all night awake, crushed with the
immensity of the effort they would need to put forth and with the
insignificance of any progress made. There came before him the long
catalogue of what they had lost, the little decencies and comforts they
had earned and paid for and owned. He sickened at the squalid expedients
of their present life. They were living like savages; never again would
they attain the self-respecting order which had been ravished from them,
which the ravishers still enjoyed. With all his conscious self he longed
to give up he struggle, but something more than his conscious self was
at work. The tree had been cut down, but something was in the ground,
alive.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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