“‘You have sometimes found me rubbing my hands in the enjoyment of a
sort of happiness. Well, I had just succeeded in some ruse worthy of
the stage. I had just deceived my wife--I had sent her by a purchaser
of wardrobes an Indian shawl, to be offered to her as the property of an
actress who had hardly worn it, but in which I--the solemn lawyer whom
you know--had wrapped myself for a night! In short, my life at this
day may be summed up in the two words which express the extremes of
torment--I love, and I wait! I have in Madame Gobain a faithful spy on
the heart I worship. I go every evening to chat with the old woman, to
hear from her all that Honorine has done during the day, the lightest
word she has spoken, for a single exclamation might betray to me the
secrets of that soul which is wilfully deaf and dumb. Honorine is pious;
she attends the Church services and prays, but she has never been to
confession or taken the Communion; she foresees what a priest would
tell her. She will not listen to the advice, to the injunction, that she
should return to me. This horror of me overwhelms me, dismays me, for I
have never done her the smallest harm. I have always been kind to her.
Granting even that I may have been a little hasty when teaching her,
that my man’s irony may have hurt her legitimate girlish pride, is
that a reason for persisting in a determination which only the most
implacable hatred could have inspired? Honorine has never told Madame
Gobain who she is; she keeps absolute silence as to her marriage, so
that the worthy and respectable woman can never speak a word in my
favor, for she is the only person in the house who knows my secret. The
others know nothing; they live under the awe caused by the name of the
Prefect of Police, and their respect for the power of a Minister. Hence
it is impossible for me to penetrate that heart; the citadel is mine,
but I cannot get into it. I have not a single means of action. An act of
violence would ruin me for ever.
“‘How can I argue against reasons of which I know nothing? Should I
write a letter, and have it copied by a public writer, and laid before
Honorine? But that would be to run the risk of a third removal. The
last cost me fifty thousand francs. The purchase was made in the first
instance in the name of the secretary whom you succeeded. The unhappy
man, who did not know how lightly I sleep, was detected by me in the act
of opening a box in which I had put the private agreement; I coughed,
and he was seized with a panic; next day I compelled him to sell the
house to the man in whose name it now stands, and I turned him out.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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