Produced by D Alexander and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) How doth the Simple Spelling Bee BY OWEN WISTER AUTHOR OF "THE VIRGINIAN," "LADY BALTIMORE," ETC., ETC. WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY F. R. GRUGER New York THE MACMILLAN COMPANY LONDON: THE MACMILLAN CO., LTD. 1907 _All rights reserved_ COPYRIGHT, 1907, BY THE CURTIS PUBLISHING COMPANY. COPYRIGHT, 1907, BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY. Set up and electrotyped. Published February, 1907. Norwood Press J. S. Cushing & Co.--Berwick & Smith Co. Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. ILLUSTRATIONS FACING PAGE "Hup, hup, hup!" _Frontispiece_ Flung the cakes at my man Edward. 10 "Chickle is not liquid refreshment." 24 Professors Totts and Egghorn signing their respective works. 54 Masticator B. Fellows. 58 Professor Dudelsacker. 82 Jesse had mounted upon the table with the still faintly bellowing Totts. 96 [Illustration: "Hup, hup, hup!"] HOW DOTH THE SIMPLE SPELLING-BEE _How doth the Simple Spelling-bee Impruv each shining ower._ Of course, I know not how it may be with you; but with me the mail brings daily a multitude of communications that I have not sought, and do not want; nor do I refer to bills alone; and so, when there came one day a printed card saying:-- Why Heifer? I tossed it into my waste-paper basket, and remembered it no more. Some days had passed, during which I had worked onward at the index of my forthcoming volume, when my memory was jogged by the arrival of a new absurdity:-- Why not Heffer? Like its predecessor, this card went at once into my basket. I had nearly finished the B's in my index before the mail brought the following:-- It ought to be your custom now To simplify, and spell plough plow; Therefore write quickly on your cuff From this day forth to spell tough tuff. A third must follow these first tu, So you will always spell through thru, Nor in the midst of things leave off, But joyfully now make cough coff. By this time you must clearly noa Dough can't be doe, do, dow, but doa.