HOW TO SETTLE ACCOUNTS WITH YOUR LAUNDRESS. AN ORIGINAL FARCE, IN ONE ACT. BY J. STIRLING COYNE. _First performed at the Theatre Royal, Adelphi, Monday, July _26, 1847. Dramatis Personæ WHITTINGTON WIDGETTS (A West-end Tailor) Mr. Wright. BARNEY TWILL (Widgett's Page and Light Porter) Mr. Ryan. JACOB BROWN (A Hairdresser at the Opera) Mr. Munyard. POSTMAN Mr. Lindon. WAITER Mr. Mitchenson. MDLLE. CHERI BOUNCE (An Opera Dancer) Miss E. Harding. MARY WHITE (A Young Laundress) Miss Woolgar. TIME OF REPRESENTATION.--Fifty minutes. COSTUME. WHITTINGTON WIDGETTS.--_First dress:_ Blue coat; white vest; gray plaid trousers. _Second dress:_ Green coat; pink vest. _Third dress:_ Black coat. BARNEY TWILL.--Green page's suit. JACOB BROWN.--Puce frock coat; blue vest; nankeen trousers. MDLLE. CHERI BOUNCE.--Fashionable silk dress; blue satin visite, trimmed with lace; pink bonnet. MARY WHITE.--_First dress:_ Pink print dress; green shawl; and straw bonnet. _Second dress:_ Blue blouse; drab leggings; red cravat; and fancy cap. _Third dress:_ Drab paletot; white vest; and trousers. STAGE DIRECTIONS. EXITS AND ENTRANCES.--R. means _Right;_ L. _Left;_ D. F. _Door in Flat;_ R. D. _Right Door; _L. D. _Left Door;_ S. E. _Second Entrance;_ U. E. _Upper Entrance;_ M. D. _Middle Door;_ L. U. E. _Left Upper Entrance;_ R. U. E. _Right Upper Entrance;_ L. S. E. _Left Second Entrance;_ P. S. _Prompt Side;_ O. P. _Opposite Prompt._ RELATIVE POSITIONS.--R. means _Right;_ L. _Left;_ C. _Centre;_ R. C. _Right of Centre;_ L. C. _Left of Centre._ R. RC. C. LC. L. *** _The Reader is supposed to be on the Stage, facing the Audience._ HOW TO SETTLE ACCOUNTS WITH YOUR LAUNDRESS. SCENE.--_A Tailor's Show-room, Jermyn-street, handsomely fitted up with cheval glass, large round table in centre, fashionable chairs, &c. A dummy figure, dressed in the extreme mode, near window. Articles of gentlemen's attire exhibited in window, L. U. E. Door of entrance to street, L. S. E. Fireplace and chimney-glass, R. E. Door to Widgetts' chamber, R. S. E. Large pair of folding-doors, C. F., opening towards the stage; beyond these doors, a passage to the kitchen, in which stands a stillion, with a water-butt standing on it. At the end of this passage, the door of the kitchen. A round table, C., with writing materials and lighted candle upon it. A print of the fashions and tailor's patterns cut in brown paper on the wall. Table at back, L., on which is a table lamp. Another table at back, R., on which is a bottle of brandy and glasses. TWILL discovered brushing the coat on the dummy figure, and singing a verse of an Irish song. A postman's knock at door, L._ TWILL. Whist! I'll bet a pinny that's the post. (_Runs to door and opens it._) _POSTMAN appears._ POST. Mr. Widgetts! (_Gives letter to Twill._)