"'When we meet!' Lewis, will you, can you forget your manifold wrongs
and come back to me? I do not plead, now, 'for the sake of our child.'
Her sinless soul henceforth can know no pain or woe. God saw that I
was not worthy of her, and He took her. In the earlier weeks of my
selfish mourning, I had no thought of your bereavement. Latterly, I
have longed to comfort you, for I know that your heart is riven by
this stroke. She was your joy, as she was my angel of peace. Her loss
is our common sorrow. Shall it not draw us together? Yet, as I have
said, our estrangement cannot now affect her. Thoughtless of evil,
she passed away. Had she lived, the Omniscient only knows what grief
and mortification might have darkened her pathway. Nor do I desire a
reconciliation as a shield from the world's sneer or ban. I hold its
applause and its censure alike cheaply. In prosperity, its favors were
painted, tasteless fruit; in adversity, it would have fed my starving
heart with husks. But for my sake--by the thought of my late and sore
repentance; by the remorse that must gnaw my spirit, when I remember
your noble trust in me, your unswerving fidelity, your generous love
and my base requital of it all; by the sorrow that never leaves me
by day or by night--forgive me, and return to the home we have both
forsaken! I will serve you very faithfully, my husband! I have gained
other and higher views of the marriage relation within a short time
past. However presumptuously I may have assumed its responsibilities,
however unworthily I performed its duties in former days, I would
enter upon our re-engagement with a solemn sense of what I owe to you
and to Him who united us. You must have despised me at our parting,
and since. Perhaps you have come to think of me with dislike as well
as contempt. I will bear this--grievous though the burden will be--as
a part of my righteous punishment. I will never murmur--never, even
in thought, accuse you of unjust harshness, if you will grant me
the opportunity to make what amends I can for all you have lost and
suffered through my fault."
Sarah was still far from strong; and wearied as much by the intensity
of her feelings as by the manual effort of writing, she laid the pen
down, and leaned back in the cushioned chair. Her table stood in the
parlor beneath the window overlooking the river. The room was prim
and clean, as of yore, with its straight lines of chairs; its shining
specks of mirrors; the grim black profiles above the mantel, and the
green boughs in the fireplace. The outer scene was in its general
features, that which the girl had surveyed, with pleased surprise, the
July evening of her arrival here two years ago.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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