Only two years! The sufferings and life-lessons of twenty had been
crowded into that brief space. The meadows were growing sere, as
if scorching winds had swept over them, and the stream reflected
truthfully, yet, one could have fancied, sadly, the changing foliage
fringing its borders. But the sky, with its tender blue and its fleecy
clouds, ever shifting, yet ever retaining their likeness to one
another--the river's smooth, steady flow, were the same; fit emblems
both of them of counsels which are mercy and truth through all their
workings; of love that abideth forever!
The train of thought was replete with refreshing to the spirit that
was striving, in prayer and watchfulness, to adhere to the right, to
accept, with meek submission, all that her cup yet held of pungent
or nauseous lees. There was no affectation in the humble tone of her
letter. She would not begin it until she had mastered the stubborn
remnant of her native pride. It should be nothing to her that her
husband had wilfully separated himself from her, and refused her
overtures of reconcilement. If this was unkindness it was all she could
reproach him with in the course of time they had spent together. He had
been a true friend, an honorable protector, and dimly still, but more
justly than ever before, she perceived that into his love for her there
had entered none of the merely prudential considerations, the cool
calculations, wherewith she used to account for his choice of herself
as a helpmeet. Where, in the world's heartless circles, could she point
out another wife as much indulged, as much honored in public and in
private, as she once was by him? Mournfully, if not lovingly, she dwelt
upon the countless evidences of his cordial fulfillment, in letter and
in spirit, of his part of their mutual engagement, with something of
the sinking heart the alchemist may have felt when, after he had, by
a mechanical and habitual fling of his arm, tossed the eagerly-sought
philosopher's stone into the sea as a worthless pebble, he discovered
that the divining steel he held had been changed to gold by its touch.
To whom of us has not an experience similar to this come? It may be
that the eyes which once besought affection with dumb and disregarded
eloquence are closed and rayless for all future time; the lips that
told, with modest frankness, how dear we were to hearts we cared
not then to win, are now but silent dust. Or, perchance, grieved
by indifference, repelled by unkindness, those hearts have sought
and found in other loves solace for the pain we, in our blindness
inflicted. It matters little whether they be dead to all the world, or
only to us. In either case, the longing and despair of our lonely lives
are rendered the more unendurable from the flash of tardy truth that
shows us, side by side with our actual poverty of heart riches, the
tranquil beauty of the pictured "might have been."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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