I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
General
I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
Once in Pennsylvania I saw a group of children, very Drab in the Eyes
and very thin in the necks and legs, who worked in a mill. Their look
made its imprint in my memory and more in my flesh. And it comes back
as if it were the only thing that mattered as I lie wakeful in the
windy night.
The children--unconscious and smiling their small decayed
smiles--they are living and being crushed between greed and need as
between two murderous millstones. Their frail flesh and their little
brittle bones, their voices and their pinched insides, the sweet
vague childish looks which belong in their faces are squeezed and
crunched by two millstones--squeezed, squeezed till their scrawny
fledgeling bodies are dry, breathless, and are gasping, strangling,
striving frightfully for life: and still are slowly, all too slowly,
dying between two millstones.
If it were their own greed or their own need--but it’s the greed of
fat people and the need of their own warped gaunt parents. Betwixt
the two the children meet homelike hideous ruin. Placidly they are
cheated and blighted and blasted, placidly and with the utmost
domesticness.
The most darkling-luminous thing about the Drab-Eyed children is
that they never weep. They talk among themselves and smile their
little dreadful decayed smiles, but they don’t weep. When they walk
it’s with a middle-aged gait: when they eat their noontime food it’s
as grown people do, with half-conscious economic and gastronomic
consideration. They count their Tuesdays and Wednesdays with
calculation as work-days, which should be childishly wind-sweptly
free. Which is all of less weight than the heavy fact that they never
weep.
They reckon themselves fairly fortunate with their bits of silver
in yellow envelopes every Saturday. They are permitted to keep a
bit of it, each child a bit for herself or himself, so that on
Sunday afternoons they lose themselves for precious hours watching
Charlie Chaplin. Many pink-faced inconsequent children whose parents
nurture them and guard them and eternally misunderstand them are less
worldlily lucky. But the pink-faced children often weep--loudly,
foolishly like puppies and snarling furry cubs--and wet sweet salt
tears of proper childishness are round and bright on their cheeks
and lashes. It’s a sun-washed blestness for them: they’re impelled
and allowed to weep. But the Drab Eyes shed no tears--they know no
reason why they should. There’s no impulse for soft liquid grief in
the murderous philosophy of two grinding millstones. And there’s no
time--the lives of the work-children move on fast. Their very shoes
are ground between the millstones.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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