I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
General
I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
--their little shoes are heartbreaking. The millstones grind many
things along with little-little shoes of children: germs of potent
splendid humanness that might grow bigly American in heroic ways or
in sane round honesty: germs that might grow into brave barbaric
beauty or warm wistful sweetness: germs that would grow into lips
blooming tender and fragrant as jonquils or into minds swimming
with lyrics:--what is strongly lasting and glorified in the forlorn
divine human thing--crumpled--twisted forever when millstones grind
children’s little poor shoes--
The young Drab Eyes are endlessly betrayed: their very color thieved.
There’s no reason why they should weep.
But there’s a far-blown sound as if ten thousand bad and good worldly
eyes were weeping in their stead: with a note in it careless,
compassionate and jadedly menacing.
I seem to hear it in the wakeful windy night. And I hear no
world-music pouring out of small throats of work-children shrill with
woe-and-joy. The sound they make is a dumb sound, for they never
weep: a ghost-wail of partly-dead children borne lowly across this
mixed world on a stale hellish breeze.
_The sleep of the dead_
To-morrow
When I’m dead I want to Rest awhile in my grave: for I’m Tired, Tired
always.
My Soul must go on as it has gone on up to now.
It has a long way to go, and it has come a long way.
My Soul first started on its journey somewhere in Asia before the
dawn of this civilization. And it has gone on since through the
centuries and through strange phases of Body, terrors of flesh and
blood, suffering long. But it has gone someway on, each space of the
journey taking it nearer to the journey’s-End.
It is the dim-felt memory of those journeys that heaps the Tiredness
on me now. Not only is my spirit Tired. Through my spirit my hands
are Tired: my knees are Tired: my drooping shoulders: my thin feet:
my sensitive backbone. When I lift my hand in the sunshine the weight
of the yellow honeyed air bears down and down on it because I’m so
Tired. When I start to walk on stone pavements the ache of them is in
my feet before I set a foot on them because I’m so Tired. The pulse
in my veins Tires my blood as it beats. My low voice, though I speak
but rarely--it Tires my throat. My breath Tires my chest. The weight
of my hair Tires my forehead and temples. My plain frocks Tire my
Body to wear. My swift trenchant thoughts Tire my Mind.
It is not the Tiredness of effort though I strive to the limits of my
strength every day.
It is not pain, Restful pain. It is Tired Tiredness.
So when I’m dead I want to Rest awhile in my grave. It _would_ Rest
me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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